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Saturday, July 5, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Absolutely Funny!
Eight year old Sally brought her report card from school...
Her marks were good! Mostly A's and a couple of B's...
However her teacher had written at the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in the school. I have an idea I'm going to try which I think may break her of the habit..."
Sally's dad signed her report card leaving a note at the back.
"Please let me know if that idea works on Sally because i would like to try it on her mother..."
Her marks were good! Mostly A's and a couple of B's...
However her teacher had written at the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in the school. I have an idea I'm going to try which I think may break her of the habit..."
Sally's dad signed her report card leaving a note at the back.
"Please let me know if that idea works on Sally because i would like to try it on her mother..."
Funny Husband And Wife Joke!
A man and his wife were lying in bed one night when the hubby noticed that his wife had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million Women Want."
He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages,
His wife was a little annoyed.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?"
He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."
He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages,
His wife was a little annoyed.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?"
He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."
Reactions Of a Fresh Engineering Graduate... Funny Visual Joke!
Got a call letter from that company!!
I've cleared the interview...:-)
Training Days...
Oops! Work...Work...Work...!!!
Yeah! Got Promotion...Now a PM...!
I've cleared the interview...:-)
Training Days...
Oops! Work...Work...Work...!!!
Yeah! Got Promotion...Now a PM...!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Laloo- The Great Detective
A policeman was testing Laloo Ji, Manmohan Ji and Atal Ji who were training to become detectives.
To test their skills in recogonizing a suspect, he shows Manmohan Ji a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
“This is your suspect how would you recogonize him?”
Manmohan Ji answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he has only one eye!”
Policeman says,”Well…uh…that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture to Atal Ji and asks him, “How would you recognize this suspect?”
Atal Ji smiles and says, ”Ha… He’d be too easy to catch because he has only one ear!”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course he has only one eye and ear showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with? ”
Extremely Frustated at this point, he shows the picture o Laloo Ji and in a very Testy voice asks, “How would you recognize this suspect?”
He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer”
Laloo Ji looks the picture intently for a moment and says, ” The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman was surprised and dumbstruck because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.” He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file on his PC, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it Mr.Laloo…it’s true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses…good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?”
Laloo Ji replied, ”That’s very easy…he can’t wear regular glasses because he has only one eye and one ear…:)”
Police man,”:O ?!??! :(”
To test their skills in recogonizing a suspect, he shows Manmohan Ji a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
“This is your suspect how would you recogonize him?”
Manmohan Ji answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he has only one eye!”
Policeman says,”Well…uh…that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture to Atal Ji and asks him, “How would you recognize this suspect?”
Atal Ji smiles and says, ”Ha… He’d be too easy to catch because he has only one ear!”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course he has only one eye and ear showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with? ”
Extremely Frustated at this point, he shows the picture o Laloo Ji and in a very Testy voice asks, “How would you recognize this suspect?”
He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer”
Laloo Ji looks the picture intently for a moment and says, ” The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman was surprised and dumbstruck because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.” He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file on his PC, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it Mr.Laloo…it’s true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses…good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?”
Laloo Ji replied, ”That’s very easy…he can’t wear regular glasses because he has only one eye and one ear…:)”
Police man,”:O ?!??! :(”
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Mona Lisa On World Tour... Hilarious Visual Joke
Monalisa is on world tour...
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After 1 week in Africa...
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After 1 week in India...
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After 1 week in Africa...
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After 1 week in India...
Friday, June 27, 2008
Absolutely Funny Visual Joke!
HEALTH WARNING...DONT SWALLOW CHEWING GUMS!
AFTER EFFECT MAY BE...
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AFTER EFFECT MAY BE...
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Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Funniest Divorce
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These past two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! >
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Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to my mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago!
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that MY SISTER had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said > that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These past two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! >
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Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to my mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago!
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that MY SISTER had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said > that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
Computer Jokes... Five Reasons Why Computers Must Be Female...
Five reasons computers must be female...
5.- No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
4.- Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3.- The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2.- The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
1.- As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
5.- No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
4.- Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3.- The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2.- The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
1.- As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Short and Sweet Kids Jokes
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll
Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
A. ME!!!
Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
Q. Why did the tomato blush?
A. Because it saw the salad dressing!
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!
Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A. At the BP station!
Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.
Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!
Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll
Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
A. ME!!!
Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
Q. Why did the tomato blush?
A. Because it saw the salad dressing!
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!
Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A. At the BP station!
Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.
Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!
Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
Short Lawyer Jokes
Short Lawyer Jokes
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
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"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money."
"Why do you say that?"
"Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'."
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The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!"
His father responded: "You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!"
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A lawyer, who was talking to his son about entering college, said, "Now got into your head that you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?"
"Well, dad," answered the son, "did you ever hear anybody get up in a croud and shout frantically, 'Is there a lawyer in the house?' "
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Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
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"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money."
"Why do you say that?"
"Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'."
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The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!"
His father responded: "You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!"
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A lawyer, who was talking to his son about entering college, said, "Now got into your head that you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?"
"Well, dad," answered the son, "did you ever hear anybody get up in a croud and shout frantically, 'Is there a lawyer in the house?' "
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Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer
Funniest Joke
There's a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."
Funniest Husband and Wife Joke..
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
Absolutely Hilarious Joke
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her.
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."
Monday, June 23, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
வாழ்கை thathuvam - Hilarious tamil proverbs
1. இன்னைக்குத் தூங்கினா நாளைக்கு எந்திரிக்கலாம். ஆனால் நாளைக்குத் தூங்கினா இன்னைக்கு எந்திரிக்க முடியுமா?
2. பஸ்சுல கலெக்டரே ஏறினாலும், முதல் சீட்டு டிரைவருக்குத் தான்.
3. சைக்கிள் கேரியர்ல டிபன் கேரியரை வெச்சி எடுத்துட்டுப் போகலாம். ஆனால் டிபன் கேரியர்லே சைக்கிளை வெச்சு எடுத்துட்டுப் போக முடியாது
4. டிக்கெட் வாங்கிட்டு உள்ளே போனா அது சினிமா தியேட்டர். ஆனால் உள்ளே போய்ட்டு டிக்கெட் வாங்கினா அது ஆபரேஷன் தியேட்டர்.
5. என்னதான் மீனுக்கு நீந்தத் தெரிஞ்சாலும், அதால மீன் குழம்புலே நீந்த முடியாது.
6. அயர்ன் பாக்ஸ்லே அயர்ன் பண்ண முடியும். ஆனா பென்சில் பாக்ஸ்லே பென்சில் பண்ண முடியுமா? இதுதான் வாழ்க்கை.
7. நீ என்ன தான் காஸ்ட்லி மொபைல் வச்சிருந்தாலும், அதுல எவ்வளவு தான் ரீசார்ஜ் பண்ணாலும், உன்னால உனக்கு கால் பண்ண முடியாது.
8. க்ரீம் பிஸ்கட்லே க்ரீம் இருக்கும், ஆனா நாய் பிஸ்கட்லே நாய் இருக்குமா?
9. ஒரு எறும்பு நினைச்சா 1000 யானைகளைக் கடிக்கும். ஆனால் 1000 யானைகள் நினைச்சாலும் ஒரு எறும்பைக் கூட கடிக்க முடியாது.
10. குவார்ட்டர் அடிச்சிட்டு குப்புற படுக்கலாம். ஆனால் குப்புற படுத்துக்கிட்டு குவார்ட்டர் அடிக்க முடியாது.
11. செல்போனுலே பாலன்ஸ் இல்லைன்னா கால் பண்ண முடியாது. ஆனால் மனுசனுக்கு கால் இல்லைன்னா பாலன்ஸ் பண்ண முடியாது.
12. ரயில்வே ஸ்டேஷன்லே போலீஸ் ஸ்டேஷன் இருக்கலாம். ஆனால் போலீஸ் ஸ்டேஷன்லே ரயில்வே ஸ்டேஷன் இருக்க முடியாது.
13. என்னதான் கராத்தேயிலே பிளாக் பெல்ட் வாங்கினாலும், சொறி நாய் தொரத்தினா ஓடித்தான் ஆகணும்.
2. பஸ்சுல கலெக்டரே ஏறினாலும், முதல் சீட்டு டிரைவருக்குத் தான்.
3. சைக்கிள் கேரியர்ல டிபன் கேரியரை வெச்சி எடுத்துட்டுப் போகலாம். ஆனால் டிபன் கேரியர்லே சைக்கிளை வெச்சு எடுத்துட்டுப் போக முடியாது
4. டிக்கெட் வாங்கிட்டு உள்ளே போனா அது சினிமா தியேட்டர். ஆனால் உள்ளே போய்ட்டு டிக்கெட் வாங்கினா அது ஆபரேஷன் தியேட்டர்.
5. என்னதான் மீனுக்கு நீந்தத் தெரிஞ்சாலும், அதால மீன் குழம்புலே நீந்த முடியாது.
6. அயர்ன் பாக்ஸ்லே அயர்ன் பண்ண முடியும். ஆனா பென்சில் பாக்ஸ்லே பென்சில் பண்ண முடியுமா? இதுதான் வாழ்க்கை.
7. நீ என்ன தான் காஸ்ட்லி மொபைல் வச்சிருந்தாலும், அதுல எவ்வளவு தான் ரீசார்ஜ் பண்ணாலும், உன்னால உனக்கு கால் பண்ண முடியாது.
8. க்ரீம் பிஸ்கட்லே க்ரீம் இருக்கும், ஆனா நாய் பிஸ்கட்லே நாய் இருக்குமா?
9. ஒரு எறும்பு நினைச்சா 1000 யானைகளைக் கடிக்கும். ஆனால் 1000 யானைகள் நினைச்சாலும் ஒரு எறும்பைக் கூட கடிக்க முடியாது.
10. குவார்ட்டர் அடிச்சிட்டு குப்புற படுக்கலாம். ஆனால் குப்புற படுத்துக்கிட்டு குவார்ட்டர் அடிக்க முடியாது.
11. செல்போனுலே பாலன்ஸ் இல்லைன்னா கால் பண்ண முடியாது. ஆனால் மனுசனுக்கு கால் இல்லைன்னா பாலன்ஸ் பண்ண முடியாது.
12. ரயில்வே ஸ்டேஷன்லே போலீஸ் ஸ்டேஷன் இருக்கலாம். ஆனால் போலீஸ் ஸ்டேஷன்லே ரயில்வே ஸ்டேஷன் இருக்க முடியாது.
13. என்னதான் கராத்தேயிலே பிளாக் பெல்ட் வாங்கினாலும், சொறி நாய் தொரத்தினா ஓடித்தான் ஆகணும்.
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