An English university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following elements:
1) Religion 2) Royalty 3) Sex 4) Mystery
The prizewinner wrote: "My God," said the queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Science Joke -- Newton's tricks
Once all the scientists die and go to
heaven...... ......
They decide to play hide-n-seek. ........
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the
den......... ..
He is supposed to count up to 100...and then start
searching... ..
Everyone starts hiding except Newton .........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it
right in front of Einstein.... ........
Einstein's counting
1, 2, 3......97, 98, 99.... ..100....... .
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in
front....... .
Einstein says " Newton 's out. Newton 's....out. ...."
Newton denies and says I am not out........
He claims that he is not Newton ......
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that
he is not Newton ...
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1 meter
squared.....
That makes me Newton per meter squared..... .
Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm
Pascal,
Therefore Pascal is OUT......... ..!
heaven...... ......
They decide to play hide-n-seek. ........
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the
den......... ..
He is supposed to count up to 100...and then start
searching... ..
Everyone starts hiding except Newton .........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it
right in front of Einstein.... ........
Einstein's counting
1, 2, 3......97, 98, 99.... ..100....... .
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in
front....... .
Einstein says " Newton 's out. Newton 's....out. ...."
Newton denies and says I am not out........
He claims that he is not Newton ......
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that
he is not Newton ...
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1 meter
squared.....
That makes me Newton per meter squared..... .
Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm
Pascal,
Therefore Pascal is OUT......... ..!
Hilarious joke -- Pay attention to a doctor!
First-year students at Medical College were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them calmly and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention"!!!!!!
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them calmly and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention"!!!!!!
Friday, March 9, 2007
Hilarious joke -- Never tease a woman!
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"
Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"
Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!
A beautiful poem
A thick haze settles over the ocean,
The horizon turns pink as far as the eye can see.
All creatures hurry back home,
As the sun plunges into the sea.
Someone somewhere made a fortune today,
Someone somewhere lost all that he ever had.
Someone will sleep with a smile on his face,
Someone with a heavy heart will be sad.
Someone somewhere was born to rule,
Someone somewhere was born to die.
Someone today found someone he loves,
Someone has left someone to cry.
Someone's life has changed today,
For some, it was just another day.
Someone somewhere is dumbfounded by his good fate,
Someone has nothing more left to say.
The beauty of this setting sun,
Is too divine for me to summarize.
As I sit here and watch the setting sun,
Someone somewhere sees it rise......
The horizon turns pink as far as the eye can see.
All creatures hurry back home,
As the sun plunges into the sea.
Someone somewhere made a fortune today,
Someone somewhere lost all that he ever had.
Someone will sleep with a smile on his face,
Someone with a heavy heart will be sad.
Someone somewhere was born to rule,
Someone somewhere was born to die.
Someone today found someone he loves,
Someone has left someone to cry.
Someone's life has changed today,
For some, it was just another day.
Someone somewhere is dumbfounded by his good fate,
Someone has nothing more left to say.
The beauty of this setting sun,
Is too divine for me to summarize.
As I sit here and watch the setting sun,
Someone somewhere sees it rise......
Humorous quotes!
1. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I
can't remember the other two... -- Sir Norman Wisdom
2. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that
even a bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe
3. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your
success! -- Doug Larson
4. A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! -- Eric Bolton
5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized
that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive
me. -- Erno Philips
6. I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul
7. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -- Phyllis Diller
8. Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge
9. Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields
10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -- Will Rogers
11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out,
you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney
12. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not
have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the
same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen
13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry
you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner
14. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen
15. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we
didn't. -- Erica Jong
16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard
17. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
18. In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found
out. -- Joey Adams
19. I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds
out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman
20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already
born ? -- Benny Hill
can't remember the other two... -- Sir Norman Wisdom
2. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that
even a bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe
3. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your
success! -- Doug Larson
4. A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! -- Eric Bolton
5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized
that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive
me. -- Erno Philips
6. I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul
7. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -- Phyllis Diller
8. Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge
9. Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields
10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -- Will Rogers
11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out,
you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney
12. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not
have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the
same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen
13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry
you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner
14. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen
15. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we
didn't. -- Erica Jong
16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard
17. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
18. In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found
out. -- Joey Adams
19. I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds
out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman
20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already
born ? -- Benny Hill
Gorilla hunter - Awesome joke!
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers."
He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean huge dog.
"What are you going to do", the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the dog is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles and squeeze. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers."
He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean huge dog.
"What are you going to do", the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the dog is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles and squeeze. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
Monday, March 5, 2007
All about SAGITTARIANS
SAGITTARIUS MAN
A man who loves social life and curious about every new progress, new development to make sure he is in the era and always have all up date information. He likes to know what is the latest trend of fashion and make sure he is not out of style. You can easily spot him at the grand opening of new pub, new restaurant for he loves to participate in social activity.
There is a few Sagittarius who is a private person as well, but you could see that he will be ahead of his friends. He will know what is the best seller book, what are the top 10 hot hit of the week. The hottest movies showing now, he must have already seen it.
He hates routine, It makes him bored. He likes to get to his goals and succeeding in doing so is his true reward. Money making is O.K. but it is not his true joy, for he can easily spent them in a short while. They say if you want the truth, go and ask Sagittarius. They are right, you can ask him and he will tell you all the truth and very straight forward. Even he may speak bluntly, his friends loves him. If you have problems, all your friends may feel sorry for you, but Sagittarius will be the one who will give you a helping hand first and even expect no return favor. That's why he is a real charmer even sometimes big mouth.
When he is mad , he can be quite fierce but quickly dissolve and easily forgotten. He is not a person who will take a revenge, so if he say he going to burn down your house, you can relax. He likes compliments and sweet words, so you can manipulate him easily. If he knows you are not sincere, you will totally become meaningless to him.
Some Sagittarius are gifted musician, or singer. He is a happy soul, has a good humor and has lots of jokes. He loves freedom, lively and very energetic. If he is working, he will take his job seriously. He likes to travel, likes to see new exciting places. Going out or traveling make him happy.
Sagittarius man is like a free bird. He lives as if everyday is Sunday. He will hardly be in a bad mood, but if he is in a bad mood, you will better leave his sight. If you want to talk to him in such mood, try to avoid issue of commenting his life. He flirts like other man, but he has a built in brake, so he will come back to you by himself. If he disappear for a few days, not to worry for he is only recharging his battery to be that same lively person again, them he will be back.
He has allergies to Pretty woman, so in love with many woman for him would be normal. Setting dating schedule is his games and it's fun for him, and this will keep him from being bored. He hates obligations, so the word "marriage" would suffocate him. If you allow him to have freedom, he will not go anywhere.
He falls in love as easy as he catches cold, especially if she is cute, funny and she has a strong personality. No one can tell how long he will be in love each time. If you want to really hold Sagittarius man, act like you are in an adventure movie. At all time, you should make yourself lively, tells him some jokes, always be cute so that it will ease up his allergy to other pretty woman a bit.
SAGITTARIUS WOMAN
A tall slim and graceful woman who walked proudly like she is walking in a beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly falls, she will nicely covered it up and continue with her graceful and impressive walking step. She knows how to use make up to enhance her beauty. She looks at the world positively, so her face always seem so happy. She will not get up set easily.
Self confident woman who belief in her own style. She will not follow fashion, but standing in between simplicity and too modern. She is a very open person, sometimes can be too blunt. She is an honest person and never try to cause troubles for any one.
She likes to say something that you do not want to hear and yet she can say something so pleasing at the same time. Example she may say "I wish you could make more money, so you could afford better cloth, but anyway it is better this way. If you make more money you could be thinking of money too much and become greedy". She can say such thing and make you wonder if you should get up set or love her more.
She is also a free spirit and does not like to stay home. She likes to be protected, but not to give her orders. She has no respect to a weak man. If she try to over powered you, then you have to calm her down and try to control her to be in a limit by doing the same thing too. She will listen if she respect you. She likes to be herself and like her guy to be himself.
She is a no nonsense woman, so you will not hear she says " Guess what I will do next", or "Guess what I am thinking" because she always say what she is thinking out loud like a guy. If you do not understand her in this matter, you could easily break up with her. She sees problems in her love life as another funny story.
She is clumsy and it is in her nature. You may think it is cute, but for some neat guys this could be so unbearable. She is very friendly, so she can easily turn her enemy to be her friends. She has good taste in fine cloths, good food, first class and first services. Even a poor woman in this Zodiac will struggle to afford such good taste. She could spent lots of money as if she can not understand how difficult it is to make money. If you think of let her borrow money, think again.
She is a paranoid. If she thinks you like her, she may already think about getting marry and lost her freedom and so on and on. A jolly woman who loves sports. She is an ordinary woman who could dress like a tomboy. She has more guy friends and sometimes could act like one of a guy. She does not care about rumors, so she can get home very late and couldn't careless what her neighbor will gossip about her. She thinks either good or bad, you will know it yourself , so you should not bother what people think.
Her wit and innocent look are her charms. She is often hurts from love, but never afraid to look for a new one as if she is singing "Do that to me one more time". She likes going straight and being straight forward. She will not go around to get what she wants, or beat around the bush just to say something. If you meet her and tell her straight what you think, she will admire you.
A man who loves social life and curious about every new progress, new development to make sure he is in the era and always have all up date information. He likes to know what is the latest trend of fashion and make sure he is not out of style. You can easily spot him at the grand opening of new pub, new restaurant for he loves to participate in social activity.
There is a few Sagittarius who is a private person as well, but you could see that he will be ahead of his friends. He will know what is the best seller book, what are the top 10 hot hit of the week. The hottest movies showing now, he must have already seen it.
He hates routine, It makes him bored. He likes to get to his goals and succeeding in doing so is his true reward. Money making is O.K. but it is not his true joy, for he can easily spent them in a short while. They say if you want the truth, go and ask Sagittarius. They are right, you can ask him and he will tell you all the truth and very straight forward. Even he may speak bluntly, his friends loves him. If you have problems, all your friends may feel sorry for you, but Sagittarius will be the one who will give you a helping hand first and even expect no return favor. That's why he is a real charmer even sometimes big mouth.
When he is mad , he can be quite fierce but quickly dissolve and easily forgotten. He is not a person who will take a revenge, so if he say he going to burn down your house, you can relax. He likes compliments and sweet words, so you can manipulate him easily. If he knows you are not sincere, you will totally become meaningless to him.
Some Sagittarius are gifted musician, or singer. He is a happy soul, has a good humor and has lots of jokes. He loves freedom, lively and very energetic. If he is working, he will take his job seriously. He likes to travel, likes to see new exciting places. Going out or traveling make him happy.
Sagittarius man is like a free bird. He lives as if everyday is Sunday. He will hardly be in a bad mood, but if he is in a bad mood, you will better leave his sight. If you want to talk to him in such mood, try to avoid issue of commenting his life. He flirts like other man, but he has a built in brake, so he will come back to you by himself. If he disappear for a few days, not to worry for he is only recharging his battery to be that same lively person again, them he will be back.
He has allergies to Pretty woman, so in love with many woman for him would be normal. Setting dating schedule is his games and it's fun for him, and this will keep him from being bored. He hates obligations, so the word "marriage" would suffocate him. If you allow him to have freedom, he will not go anywhere.
He falls in love as easy as he catches cold, especially if she is cute, funny and she has a strong personality. No one can tell how long he will be in love each time. If you want to really hold Sagittarius man, act like you are in an adventure movie. At all time, you should make yourself lively, tells him some jokes, always be cute so that it will ease up his allergy to other pretty woman a bit.
SAGITTARIUS WOMAN
A tall slim and graceful woman who walked proudly like she is walking in a beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly falls, she will nicely covered it up and continue with her graceful and impressive walking step. She knows how to use make up to enhance her beauty. She looks at the world positively, so her face always seem so happy. She will not get up set easily.
Self confident woman who belief in her own style. She will not follow fashion, but standing in between simplicity and too modern. She is a very open person, sometimes can be too blunt. She is an honest person and never try to cause troubles for any one.
She likes to say something that you do not want to hear and yet she can say something so pleasing at the same time. Example she may say "I wish you could make more money, so you could afford better cloth, but anyway it is better this way. If you make more money you could be thinking of money too much and become greedy". She can say such thing and make you wonder if you should get up set or love her more.
She is also a free spirit and does not like to stay home. She likes to be protected, but not to give her orders. She has no respect to a weak man. If she try to over powered you, then you have to calm her down and try to control her to be in a limit by doing the same thing too. She will listen if she respect you. She likes to be herself and like her guy to be himself.
She is a no nonsense woman, so you will not hear she says " Guess what I will do next", or "Guess what I am thinking" because she always say what she is thinking out loud like a guy. If you do not understand her in this matter, you could easily break up with her. She sees problems in her love life as another funny story.
She is clumsy and it is in her nature. You may think it is cute, but for some neat guys this could be so unbearable. She is very friendly, so she can easily turn her enemy to be her friends. She has good taste in fine cloths, good food, first class and first services. Even a poor woman in this Zodiac will struggle to afford such good taste. She could spent lots of money as if she can not understand how difficult it is to make money. If you think of let her borrow money, think again.
She is a paranoid. If she thinks you like her, she may already think about getting marry and lost her freedom and so on and on. A jolly woman who loves sports. She is an ordinary woman who could dress like a tomboy. She has more guy friends and sometimes could act like one of a guy. She does not care about rumors, so she can get home very late and couldn't careless what her neighbor will gossip about her. She thinks either good or bad, you will know it yourself , so you should not bother what people think.
Her wit and innocent look are her charms. She is often hurts from love, but never afraid to look for a new one as if she is singing "Do that to me one more time". She likes going straight and being straight forward. She will not go around to get what she wants, or beat around the bush just to say something. If you meet her and tell her straight what you think, she will admire you.
Funny!
Math's Teacher: If you have 12 choclates and you
Give 5 to Priya,
3 to Anita and
4 to Kavitha
Then what will u get????
Student: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!
Give 5 to Priya,
3 to Anita and
4 to Kavitha
Then what will u get????
Student: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!
A Priest's last wish -- Political Joke
The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital.
He motioned for his nurse to come near.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.
"I would really like to see Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die." whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived.
Kennedy and Clinton would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Clinton commented to Kennedy
"I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images." Kennedy couldn't help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Kennedy's hand in his right hand and Clinton 's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.
Finally Senator Kennedy spoke.
"Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
Amen" said Kennedy.
"Amen" said Clinton
The old priest continued... "He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."
He motioned for his nurse to come near.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.
"I would really like to see Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die." whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived.
Kennedy and Clinton would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Clinton commented to Kennedy
"I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images." Kennedy couldn't help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Kennedy's hand in his right hand and Clinton 's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.
Finally Senator Kennedy spoke.
"Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
Amen" said Kennedy.
"Amen" said Clinton
The old priest continued... "He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."
Never mess with your manager... :)
Here is something interesting. ..
+++
Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.
(Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's)
Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ).
Manager : Hey, I need some help from you
Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me.
Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... keeps asking stupid tings, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero : Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now.
ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM ...!!
AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW !!
+++
Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.
(Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's)
Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ).
Manager : Hey, I need some help from you
Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me.
Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... keeps asking stupid tings, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero : Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now.
ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM ...!!
AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW !!
Managers are managers
A team of young budding Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole.
So the Managers discussed and put up a project plan with roles and responsibilities. The Manager who was responsible for organizing the resources went out and got a ladder and a tape. The tape measure was just the ordinary tape of 6 feet. The lead manager assigned another manager to go on top of the pole and start the measure. They were falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.
An Engineer came along and saw what they' were trying to do. He walked over pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat, measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and walked away.
After the Engineer went away, one manager turns head to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for height and he gives the length"
Moral: No matter how good engineer you are, Manager always finds fault in you.
So the Managers discussed and put up a project plan with roles and responsibilities. The Manager who was responsible for organizing the resources went out and got a ladder and a tape. The tape measure was just the ordinary tape of 6 feet. The lead manager assigned another manager to go on top of the pole and start the measure. They were falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.
An Engineer came along and saw what they' were trying to do. He walked over pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat, measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and walked away.
After the Engineer went away, one manager turns head to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for height and he gives the length"
Moral: No matter how good engineer you are, Manager always finds fault in you.
All about CAPRICORNS
CAPRICORN MAN
A man in this Zodiac will has a pair of round big beautiful eyes, a nice structure jaw line. He is a good listener and can understand everything easily and clearly. He can guess what you will say before you even say it. He often shakes his head or touch his hair. He is a big built, but he will tend to have a small ear. He tends to have a darker shade of hair and eyes' color. He will likely have a short and strong neck, broad shoulder, muscular, strong hands and grips. He has a shorter fingers compare to the man of the same size and same height in the other zodiac. His hands can work well at the same time can protect and care for his woman.
His height will be proportional to his weight. He will walk firmly and always take a big long step. As he walks he will look around in caution with no disturbance from his problems at present or in the past. He likes to watch things built with fascinate and wonder about how it is done, so you could see him watching a construction site and not get bored.
He is a good dancer. He is a careful person in instinct, so even at dance floor, he will already have to know what in front or behind him before he will take any steps.
Green is his favorite color. You will mostly see him wear green, navy, blue, or brown. In all 12 Zodiacs, he is the one who can get the most satisfaction from possession of beautiful thing, and cherish it as if it is very valuable to him even it is just a crystal ball made in France.
It is his luck that he hardly has to chase after woman. They always come themselves without his invitation. He likes to treat his guest in his house than visiting his guest at their house. He does not like to be a center of attention, so if you need his help, you have to look up for him. He lives his life in stability and simplicity. Every decision made are already "Sure" and carefully thought out. He will not do what he has been asked to do if he is not interested in doing it. He acts casually but in reality, he always doing things seriously.
He loves peaceful and quiet environment so in his free time, he will stay at home instead of going out and look for adventure. He loves nature and dreams of a nice and quiet house with lots of trees, or he may dream of a house in a beautiful countryside.
He will let you have freedoms and watching you in a distance. If you are over doing something, he will let you know by his icy cold look. He is the perfect lover in all the Zodiac for nothing he will not do for his love one. He won't allow people to laugh at him or think he is a joker, so he will spent for himself luxury for what it is worth.
He likes neat and well dressed woman, so do not be a slop if you are dating this guy. If you do that he will loose his face. He is the romantic type who would dance with you under the moon light.
Love will make him shines and you will see it in his face. He will not say it out loud, you have to know it yourself.
CAPRICORN WOMAN
A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection.
She likes to control and hide her weak emotions. She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If she does not like someone, she will not comments or criticize but she will completely ignore that person.
She hate plastic and an artificial flower because it make her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flower and it's scent. She loves a guy who wear after shave cologne. If you are a type of a guy who wear your Jean one month before washing, or wear an old sneaker, then you can forget about her.
She loves music and nature even there is a rare case otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don't have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too.
She is not as jealous as Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line O.K. Better not to see she gets mad, especially in front of public when she feels like loosing face. She loves to make up and dress perfectly and very neat, so never rush her for this matter.
She has her own goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character not by certificate shown. If you can not show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop.
She does not like a dreamer who talk about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happens. Don't bother to tell her "everyone is doing it, you should do it too", or "I think you should do it, it's good for you", because she will do what she wants to do only.
She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there. If you go out on a date with her , try to be presentable such as nice and clean dress, clean nails or else it will be your last date.
She is a cool type and will not nag, so easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you loose your face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do.
She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappoint. She has a high hope and a high faith and beliefs in her own confident than believing in "Luck".
If she is your wife, you will have nice and clean home and a gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be please. She is a 3 in 1 means , a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say "happily ever after".
A man in this Zodiac will has a pair of round big beautiful eyes, a nice structure jaw line. He is a good listener and can understand everything easily and clearly. He can guess what you will say before you even say it. He often shakes his head or touch his hair. He is a big built, but he will tend to have a small ear. He tends to have a darker shade of hair and eyes' color. He will likely have a short and strong neck, broad shoulder, muscular, strong hands and grips. He has a shorter fingers compare to the man of the same size and same height in the other zodiac. His hands can work well at the same time can protect and care for his woman.
His height will be proportional to his weight. He will walk firmly and always take a big long step. As he walks he will look around in caution with no disturbance from his problems at present or in the past. He likes to watch things built with fascinate and wonder about how it is done, so you could see him watching a construction site and not get bored.
He is a good dancer. He is a careful person in instinct, so even at dance floor, he will already have to know what in front or behind him before he will take any steps.
Green is his favorite color. You will mostly see him wear green, navy, blue, or brown. In all 12 Zodiacs, he is the one who can get the most satisfaction from possession of beautiful thing, and cherish it as if it is very valuable to him even it is just a crystal ball made in France.
It is his luck that he hardly has to chase after woman. They always come themselves without his invitation. He likes to treat his guest in his house than visiting his guest at their house. He does not like to be a center of attention, so if you need his help, you have to look up for him. He lives his life in stability and simplicity. Every decision made are already "Sure" and carefully thought out. He will not do what he has been asked to do if he is not interested in doing it. He acts casually but in reality, he always doing things seriously.
He loves peaceful and quiet environment so in his free time, he will stay at home instead of going out and look for adventure. He loves nature and dreams of a nice and quiet house with lots of trees, or he may dream of a house in a beautiful countryside.
He will let you have freedoms and watching you in a distance. If you are over doing something, he will let you know by his icy cold look. He is the perfect lover in all the Zodiac for nothing he will not do for his love one. He won't allow people to laugh at him or think he is a joker, so he will spent for himself luxury for what it is worth.
He likes neat and well dressed woman, so do not be a slop if you are dating this guy. If you do that he will loose his face. He is the romantic type who would dance with you under the moon light.
Love will make him shines and you will see it in his face. He will not say it out loud, you have to know it yourself.
CAPRICORN WOMAN
A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection.
She likes to control and hide her weak emotions. She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If she does not like someone, she will not comments or criticize but she will completely ignore that person.
She hate plastic and an artificial flower because it make her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flower and it's scent. She loves a guy who wear after shave cologne. If you are a type of a guy who wear your Jean one month before washing, or wear an old sneaker, then you can forget about her.
She loves music and nature even there is a rare case otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don't have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too.
She is not as jealous as Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line O.K. Better not to see she gets mad, especially in front of public when she feels like loosing face. She loves to make up and dress perfectly and very neat, so never rush her for this matter.
She has her own goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character not by certificate shown. If you can not show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop.
She does not like a dreamer who talk about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happens. Don't bother to tell her "everyone is doing it, you should do it too", or "I think you should do it, it's good for you", because she will do what she wants to do only.
She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there. If you go out on a date with her , try to be presentable such as nice and clean dress, clean nails or else it will be your last date.
She is a cool type and will not nag, so easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you loose your face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do.
She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappoint. She has a high hope and a high faith and beliefs in her own confident than believing in "Luck".
If she is your wife, you will have nice and clean home and a gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be please. She is a 3 in 1 means , a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say "happily ever after".
Personality test
PERSONALITY TEST
Very interesting. Just 3 questions and the answers will surprise you.
Do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.
A Warning! Answer the questions as you go along.
There are only four questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results. Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down. Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self. Give an answer for each item.
1. Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference.
Cow Tiger Sheep Horse Pig
2. Write one word that describes each one of the following:
Dog
Cat
Rat
Coffee
Sea
3. Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate them to the following colours (do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each colour.)
Yellow Orange Red White Green
Finished? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT.
Look at the interpretations below:
1. This will define your priorities in your life.
Cow Signifies CAREER
Tiger Signifies PRIDE
Sheep Signifies LOVE
Horse Signifies FAMILY
Pig Signifies MONEY
2. Your description of dog implies your own personality.
Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.
Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.
Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.
Your description of the sea implies your own life.
3. Yellow: Someone you will never forget
Orange: Someone you consider your true friend
Red: Someone that you really love
White: Your twin soul
Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest
of your life
Very interesting. Just 3 questions and the answers will surprise you.
Do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.
A Warning! Answer the questions as you go along.
There are only four questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results. Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down. Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self. Give an answer for each item.
1. Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference.
Cow Tiger Sheep Horse Pig
2. Write one word that describes each one of the following:
Dog
Cat
Rat
Coffee
Sea
3. Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate them to the following colours (do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each colour.)
Yellow Orange Red White Green
Finished? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT.
Look at the interpretations below:
1. This will define your priorities in your life.
Cow Signifies CAREER
Tiger Signifies PRIDE
Sheep Signifies LOVE
Horse Signifies FAMILY
Pig Signifies MONEY
2. Your description of dog implies your own personality.
Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.
Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.
Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.
Your description of the sea implies your own life.
3. Yellow: Someone you will never forget
Orange: Someone you consider your true friend
Red: Someone that you really love
White: Your twin soul
Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest
of your life
NOKIA - Tips and Tricks
To check the IMEI (International Mobile Equipment Identity) Type-
*#06#
Information you get from the IMEI-
XXXXXX XX XXXXXX X
TAC FAC SNR SP
TAC = Type approval code
FAC = Final assembly code
SNR = Serial number
SP = Spare
To check the phones Software revision type-
*#0000#
Information you get from the Software revision-
V 05.31
18-02-99
NSE-3
1ST Line = Software revision
2ND Line = The date of the software release
3RD Line = Phone type
To enter the service menu type-
*#92702689# (*#WAR0ANTY# )
Serial number (IMEI)
Production date (MM/YY)
Purchase date (MM/YY) You can only enter the date once.
Date of last repair (0000=No repair)
Transfer user data to another Nokia phone via Infra-Red
Clock Stopping
To check weather your SIM Card supports clock stopping type-
*#746025625# (*#SIM0CLOCK# )
Revealing the Headphone and Car-Kit menus
Please note that if you do these next tricks, the new menus can't be erased without retoring the factory default settings. To do these tricks you need to short-circuit the pins on the bottom of the phone next to where you plug in you charger.
1. To activate the "Headset" menu, you need to short-circuit pins "3" and "4". After a short time the word "Headset" will be shown in the display. Menu 3-6 is now enabled.
2. To activate the "Car" menu, you need to short-circuit pins "4" and "5". After a short time the word "Car" will be shown in the display. Menu 3-7 is now enabled.
THE REBOOT TRICK
This should work on all software versions of the 6110.
1. Go to the Calendar (Menu-8)
2. Make a note or reminder.
3. Enter some text into the edit box.
4. Hold "Clear" until the whole text is cleared, then press "Back".
5. Press "0". The main screen will now be showing but a space appears on the screen. (you can't see it)
6. Enter 4 digits (e.g. 1234).
7. Use the down arrow to move the cursor to the left side of the numbers and the space (Down arrow twice).
8. Now enter 6 digits and press the call button.
Wait for a few seconds, the screen should start to flash and reboots. It should alsowork on other menus like the "Profiles" menu.
EFR CALL QUALITY
To activate EFR (Enhanced Full Rate) Enter the code-
*3370#
This improves call quality but decreases batterylife by about 5%
To deactivate it, Enter the code-
#3370#
THE JAMES BOND TRICK
If you short-circuit theleft middle and right pins on the bottom of the phone with all connections touching each other, the Nokia software hangs! The profile "Headset" will be activated. Before you do this just activate the "Automatic Answer" in the headset profile and set the ringing volume to "Mute". Now you can use your phone for checking out what people are talking about in a room. Just place it under a table in a room and call it. The phone receives the call without ringing and you can listen to what people are saying.
NETWORK MONITOR
There is a hidden menu inside your Nokia phone. If you want to activate it, you'll have to re-program some chips inside of your phone.
Check your software version. You can only continue if you have v4.33, v4.73 or v5.24.
Take apart the phone.
De-solder the EEPROM (ATMEL AT 24C64).
Read out the data with an EEPROM programmer and save it to a file (Backup).
If you have v.33 or v4.73, change the address "03B8" from "00" to "FF".
If you have v5.24 then change the address "0378" from "00" to "FF".
Write the new data to the EEPROM and solder it back to the phone,
Power on your phone and you should have "Netmonitor" enabled.
The Network Monitor gives you the following information.
Carrier number
MS RX Level in DBM
Received signal quality
MS TX power level
C1 (Path loss criterion, used for cell selection and reselection) . The range is -99 to 99.
RTL (Radio link timeout).
Timeslot
Indication of the transmitter status
Information on the Network parameters.
TMSI (Temporary Mobile Subscriber Identity).
Cell identification (Cell ID, Number of cells being used).
MCC (Mobile country code)
MCN (Mobile network code)
LAC (Location area code)
Ciphering (On/Off)
Hopping (On/Off)
DTX (On/Off)
Discard cell barred information
CHECK SIM-LOCK
Note - If you bought your Nokia on UK Vodafone or UK Cellnet you do not need to check this because they both transmit on GSM900, and they don't lock the phones. However if you bought your phone on UK Orange or UK One2one your phone may be blocked. The reason is that they both transmitt on GSM1800. To make a call on GSM1800 you need what is known as a "Dual band" phone. A dual band phone is able to transmit on both GSM900 and GSM1800, so they lock the phones so you can't use it with any other network simcard. If you find that your phone is locked you can try different software to unlock it. (we havn't found one that works yet), or you can ask your service provider who will gladly exchange the 10 digit code for about £35.
This is how to check the status of the 4 different locks. Aslo don't try entering the wrong number, because after 3 times it will block the phone for good.
There are 4 different locks on your Nokia phone.
COUNTRY-LOCK
NETWORK-LOCK
PROVIDER-LOCK
SIMCARD-LOCK
The code to read out the sim-lock status of your phone is
#PW+(MASTERCODE) +(Y)#
# = DOUBLE-CROSS
W = PRESS "*" THREE TIMES
P = PRESS "*" FOUR TIMES
+ = PRESS "*" TWO TIMES
MASTERCODE = 1234567890
Y = NUMBER 1 TO 4
The master code is a secret code. The code has 10 digits, To read out the sim-lock status you can enter every combination you want!
"Y" Shows the status of the network-lock. Here you can enter a number from "1" to "4". The "4" is for the sim-card lock.
SIM-LOCK CHECKS
#PW+1234567890+ 1# = GIVES PROVIDER-LOCK STATUS
#PW+1234567890+ 2# = GIVES NETWORK-LOCK STATUS
#PW+1234567890+ 3# = GIVES COUNTRY-LOCK STATUS
#PW+1234567890+ 4# = GIVES SIM-CARD-LOCK STATUS.
*#06#
Information you get from the IMEI-
XXXXXX XX XXXXXX X
TAC FAC SNR SP
TAC = Type approval code
FAC = Final assembly code
SNR = Serial number
SP = Spare
To check the phones Software revision type-
*#0000#
Information you get from the Software revision-
V 05.31
18-02-99
NSE-3
1ST Line = Software revision
2ND Line = The date of the software release
3RD Line = Phone type
To enter the service menu type-
*#92702689# (*#WAR0ANTY# )
Serial number (IMEI)
Production date (MM/YY)
Purchase date (MM/YY) You can only enter the date once.
Date of last repair (0000=No repair)
Transfer user data to another Nokia phone via Infra-Red
Clock Stopping
To check weather your SIM Card supports clock stopping type-
*#746025625# (*#SIM0CLOCK# )
Revealing the Headphone and Car-Kit menus
Please note that if you do these next tricks, the new menus can't be erased without retoring the factory default settings. To do these tricks you need to short-circuit the pins on the bottom of the phone next to where you plug in you charger.
1. To activate the "Headset" menu, you need to short-circuit pins "3" and "4". After a short time the word "Headset" will be shown in the display. Menu 3-6 is now enabled.
2. To activate the "Car" menu, you need to short-circuit pins "4" and "5". After a short time the word "Car" will be shown in the display. Menu 3-7 is now enabled.
THE REBOOT TRICK
This should work on all software versions of the 6110.
1. Go to the Calendar (Menu-8)
2. Make a note or reminder.
3. Enter some text into the edit box.
4. Hold "Clear" until the whole text is cleared, then press "Back".
5. Press "0". The main screen will now be showing but a space appears on the screen. (you can't see it)
6. Enter 4 digits (e.g. 1234).
7. Use the down arrow to move the cursor to the left side of the numbers and the space (Down arrow twice).
8. Now enter 6 digits and press the call button.
Wait for a few seconds, the screen should start to flash and reboots. It should alsowork on other menus like the "Profiles" menu.
EFR CALL QUALITY
To activate EFR (Enhanced Full Rate) Enter the code-
*3370#
This improves call quality but decreases batterylife by about 5%
To deactivate it, Enter the code-
#3370#
THE JAMES BOND TRICK
If you short-circuit theleft middle and right pins on the bottom of the phone with all connections touching each other, the Nokia software hangs! The profile "Headset" will be activated. Before you do this just activate the "Automatic Answer" in the headset profile and set the ringing volume to "Mute". Now you can use your phone for checking out what people are talking about in a room. Just place it under a table in a room and call it. The phone receives the call without ringing and you can listen to what people are saying.
NETWORK MONITOR
There is a hidden menu inside your Nokia phone. If you want to activate it, you'll have to re-program some chips inside of your phone.
Check your software version. You can only continue if you have v4.33, v4.73 or v5.24.
Take apart the phone.
De-solder the EEPROM (ATMEL AT 24C64).
Read out the data with an EEPROM programmer and save it to a file (Backup).
If you have v.33 or v4.73, change the address "03B8" from "00" to "FF".
If you have v5.24 then change the address "0378" from "00" to "FF".
Write the new data to the EEPROM and solder it back to the phone,
Power on your phone and you should have "Netmonitor" enabled.
The Network Monitor gives you the following information.
Carrier number
MS RX Level in DBM
Received signal quality
MS TX power level
C1 (Path loss criterion, used for cell selection and reselection) . The range is -99 to 99.
RTL (Radio link timeout).
Timeslot
Indication of the transmitter status
Information on the Network parameters.
TMSI (Temporary Mobile Subscriber Identity).
Cell identification (Cell ID, Number of cells being used).
MCC (Mobile country code)
MCN (Mobile network code)
LAC (Location area code)
Ciphering (On/Off)
Hopping (On/Off)
DTX (On/Off)
Discard cell barred information
CHECK SIM-LOCK
Note - If you bought your Nokia on UK Vodafone or UK Cellnet you do not need to check this because they both transmit on GSM900, and they don't lock the phones. However if you bought your phone on UK Orange or UK One2one your phone may be blocked. The reason is that they both transmitt on GSM1800. To make a call on GSM1800 you need what is known as a "Dual band" phone. A dual band phone is able to transmit on both GSM900 and GSM1800, so they lock the phones so you can't use it with any other network simcard. If you find that your phone is locked you can try different software to unlock it. (we havn't found one that works yet), or you can ask your service provider who will gladly exchange the 10 digit code for about £35.
This is how to check the status of the 4 different locks. Aslo don't try entering the wrong number, because after 3 times it will block the phone for good.
There are 4 different locks on your Nokia phone.
COUNTRY-LOCK
NETWORK-LOCK
PROVIDER-LOCK
SIMCARD-LOCK
The code to read out the sim-lock status of your phone is
#PW+(MASTERCODE) +(Y)#
# = DOUBLE-CROSS
W = PRESS "*" THREE TIMES
P = PRESS "*" FOUR TIMES
+ = PRESS "*" TWO TIMES
MASTERCODE = 1234567890
Y = NUMBER 1 TO 4
The master code is a secret code. The code has 10 digits, To read out the sim-lock status you can enter every combination you want!
"Y" Shows the status of the network-lock. Here you can enter a number from "1" to "4". The "4" is for the sim-card lock.
SIM-LOCK CHECKS
#PW+1234567890+ 1# = GIVES PROVIDER-LOCK STATUS
#PW+1234567890+ 2# = GIVES NETWORK-LOCK STATUS
#PW+1234567890+ 3# = GIVES COUNTRY-LOCK STATUS
#PW+1234567890+ 4# = GIVES SIM-CARD-LOCK STATUS.
Jokes with a moral!
LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park,they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. And he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. And he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
LESSON 2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,"Listen, " said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document,and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive.He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button."Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy.
LESSON II: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
LESSON 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA Whenthe American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
Mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
LESSON 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! ......... "
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park,they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. And he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. And he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
LESSON 2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,"Listen, " said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document,and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive.He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button."Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy.
LESSON II: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
LESSON 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA Whenthe American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
Mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
LESSON 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! ......... "
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
Enough is Enough
An old lady tottered into a lawyer's office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. "A divorce?" asked the unbelieving lawyer. "Tell me, how old are you?"
"I'm eighty-four, " answered the old lady.
"Eighty-four! And how old is your husband?"
"My husband is eighty-seven. "
"My, my," said the lawyer, "And how long have you been married?"
"Next September we will complete sixty-two years."
"Married for sixty-two years?! Why would you want a divorce now?"
"Because," the woman answered calmly, "enough is enough."
"I'm eighty-four, " answered the old lady.
"Eighty-four! And how old is your husband?"
"My husband is eighty-seven. "
"My, my," said the lawyer, "And how long have you been married?"
"Next September we will complete sixty-two years."
"Married for sixty-two years?! Why would you want a divorce now?"
"Because," the woman answered calmly, "enough is enough."
All about LIBRANS
LIBRA MAN
A man who has no balance like his Zodiac symbol. He is not the gentle, cool , calm and charming guy like what you see. He has another dark side of aggression, stubborn and he likes to start an argument the most. Sometimes he can be so depress and unstable. Up and down like he is trying to balance himself most of the time.
To many people, he is a friendly guy and always smile even when he is mad or up set. His voice always gentle and calm. he always set and comb his hair as if he comes out from a shampoo advertisement. Mostly Libra men are good looking, even the ugly one is charming. When he smiles, it is so bright that the whole world is smiling with him too.
When he is in a balance mood, he is the type of person you want to be with. In other unbalancing mood, he likes to make people argue about something and watching it with fascination and fun. He will wait to be the one who compromise and clear thing up. He likes to be in a conflicting conversation.
Libra man is lazy by nature. After his tired day at work, he likes to sit still and just look out of the window or read quietly. He likes to be in his own world. After recharging his battery, he will be very energetic again and may even take you out that night.
Libra man normally will not do any shocking or abnormal things to be noticed. He likes to be conformed with his crowd, but if you watch him carefully, you will see the different. If he wear a shirt, it will have to be a zipper front instead of buttons, or a special tie bar. There is always something in him that he will not allow totally conformity to take him over.
A straight forward , no non-sense guy. He is careful and delicate in details. He will spent extra time to doing it right, than comes back to correct them later. He hates people who boost, or exaggerate. He does not like over dressed woman or make herself a center of an attention.
He loves to read. He loves poems and loves art. When he works he can work like crazy, but after work he can turn on romantic jazzy music and treat you so gently. He loves to give people advice and normally give a good advice. If you fall for him, you will stay like being trapped in a spider web. If you want to break up with him, he will persuade you a zillion ways to stay and you can not stop him anyway. After he persuade you to stay, or after a big fight, he will be so sweet to you as if he has never hurt your feeling before ever.
He will has his own way to win a girl love and affection. Once she says yes, he will lay back and wonder if he should go on or if he should back out. In his teen, he changed many girl friends because he can not clearly separate loving a friend and loving a girl friend. He will check and re-cheek if his match is suitable and compatible with him.
Even he is a romantic man, he can hardly understand the emotion of the one he loves. He is a generous guy even he sets his life so systematically. He never knows when he makes you unhappy. He never knows how he up set you. He will never knows what he said wrong. If he is your lover, be prepare for this.
A not so pretty girl with no brain is not his type of woman. If you are not pretty enough, he will not mind talking to you but he does not care to get to know you. Any girls, pretty or ugly can ask for his help, he will be happy to help. He hates to argue by yelling at each other, so you tend to see he argue with his girl friend seriously but try at best to be very quiet.
He likes to have a girl friend by getting to know each other like a friend first. If you want him, you have to like the same thing he does. He prefers a pretty and gentle woman than a smart and ugly woman. You have to understand his mood especially he can has many different moods. He is a private person, so when he needs to be alone better let him be.
LIBRA WOMAN
Libra woman mostly has an egg oval facial shape. She has a nice smooth skin and a good figure. She will spent so much efforts to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergy to cosmetic and make up, but taken care of her face and avoid wrinkle is her hobby. She is good at it and tend to look younger than her age.
She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% woman. She looks nice in either Jean or night gown. She thinks woman is equal to man. Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated in any games she plays with you even she is winning.
She is a little flirt even she has no idea what she wants. She can not decide what to do, and what not to do, so she can not set her schedule very well in all cases.
She is gifted with how to dress, and how to match her dress. She likes to dress in black and wear perfume. She likes a mild flowery scent.
In any argument, she can really argue. She can argue for hours, and mostly win the argument. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and once a while give you a smile also. She will make a good politician, because she can tell which party will win the election.
She always has a good reasons ,even she likes to contradict herself. She can not decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good side and a bad side. Woman in other Zodiac might not care what other people think, but Libra woman care what other people ,or what you feel as much as her own feeling.
She can adjust to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the ladder up. She likes team work in doing things. If you ask her for help or advice, she will help you except if she does not like your guts. She can change you and make you think you change by yourself without her influence.
Good side of being with Libra woman are she never interfere with your privacy. She will not make you loose face in front of your friends. Even she cares about how much money she has left his her bank account, she will never forget to let you know how much she cares for you.
She think taken care of the house is a woman job and she can do it well. But if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong woman even she looks at you with that sweet innocent pairs of baby's looks and may loose you (let you win) in a few poker games.
If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using her friends introducing you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like a bubble head. You have to move forward toward her with confident and secure. Show her that you are a kind , polite and a real gentleman. Be a slow hand or else you might get smack!
A man who has no balance like his Zodiac symbol. He is not the gentle, cool , calm and charming guy like what you see. He has another dark side of aggression, stubborn and he likes to start an argument the most. Sometimes he can be so depress and unstable. Up and down like he is trying to balance himself most of the time.
To many people, he is a friendly guy and always smile even when he is mad or up set. His voice always gentle and calm. he always set and comb his hair as if he comes out from a shampoo advertisement. Mostly Libra men are good looking, even the ugly one is charming. When he smiles, it is so bright that the whole world is smiling with him too.
When he is in a balance mood, he is the type of person you want to be with. In other unbalancing mood, he likes to make people argue about something and watching it with fascination and fun. He will wait to be the one who compromise and clear thing up. He likes to be in a conflicting conversation.
Libra man is lazy by nature. After his tired day at work, he likes to sit still and just look out of the window or read quietly. He likes to be in his own world. After recharging his battery, he will be very energetic again and may even take you out that night.
Libra man normally will not do any shocking or abnormal things to be noticed. He likes to be conformed with his crowd, but if you watch him carefully, you will see the different. If he wear a shirt, it will have to be a zipper front instead of buttons, or a special tie bar. There is always something in him that he will not allow totally conformity to take him over.
A straight forward , no non-sense guy. He is careful and delicate in details. He will spent extra time to doing it right, than comes back to correct them later. He hates people who boost, or exaggerate. He does not like over dressed woman or make herself a center of an attention.
He loves to read. He loves poems and loves art. When he works he can work like crazy, but after work he can turn on romantic jazzy music and treat you so gently. He loves to give people advice and normally give a good advice. If you fall for him, you will stay like being trapped in a spider web. If you want to break up with him, he will persuade you a zillion ways to stay and you can not stop him anyway. After he persuade you to stay, or after a big fight, he will be so sweet to you as if he has never hurt your feeling before ever.
He will has his own way to win a girl love and affection. Once she says yes, he will lay back and wonder if he should go on or if he should back out. In his teen, he changed many girl friends because he can not clearly separate loving a friend and loving a girl friend. He will check and re-cheek if his match is suitable and compatible with him.
Even he is a romantic man, he can hardly understand the emotion of the one he loves. He is a generous guy even he sets his life so systematically. He never knows when he makes you unhappy. He never knows how he up set you. He will never knows what he said wrong. If he is your lover, be prepare for this.
A not so pretty girl with no brain is not his type of woman. If you are not pretty enough, he will not mind talking to you but he does not care to get to know you. Any girls, pretty or ugly can ask for his help, he will be happy to help. He hates to argue by yelling at each other, so you tend to see he argue with his girl friend seriously but try at best to be very quiet.
He likes to have a girl friend by getting to know each other like a friend first. If you want him, you have to like the same thing he does. He prefers a pretty and gentle woman than a smart and ugly woman. You have to understand his mood especially he can has many different moods. He is a private person, so when he needs to be alone better let him be.
LIBRA WOMAN
Libra woman mostly has an egg oval facial shape. She has a nice smooth skin and a good figure. She will spent so much efforts to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergy to cosmetic and make up, but taken care of her face and avoid wrinkle is her hobby. She is good at it and tend to look younger than her age.
She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% woman. She looks nice in either Jean or night gown. She thinks woman is equal to man. Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated in any games she plays with you even she is winning.
She is a little flirt even she has no idea what she wants. She can not decide what to do, and what not to do, so she can not set her schedule very well in all cases.
She is gifted with how to dress, and how to match her dress. She likes to dress in black and wear perfume. She likes a mild flowery scent.
In any argument, she can really argue. She can argue for hours, and mostly win the argument. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and once a while give you a smile also. She will make a good politician, because she can tell which party will win the election.
She always has a good reasons ,even she likes to contradict herself. She can not decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good side and a bad side. Woman in other Zodiac might not care what other people think, but Libra woman care what other people ,or what you feel as much as her own feeling.
She can adjust to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the ladder up. She likes team work in doing things. If you ask her for help or advice, she will help you except if she does not like your guts. She can change you and make you think you change by yourself without her influence.
Good side of being with Libra woman are she never interfere with your privacy. She will not make you loose face in front of your friends. Even she cares about how much money she has left his her bank account, she will never forget to let you know how much she cares for you.
She think taken care of the house is a woman job and she can do it well. But if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong woman even she looks at you with that sweet innocent pairs of baby's looks and may loose you (let you win) in a few poker games.
If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using her friends introducing you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like a bubble head. You have to move forward toward her with confident and secure. Show her that you are a kind , polite and a real gentleman. Be a slow hand or else you might get smack!
Newton's laws of romance
Universal law of Love:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
First law of Love:
A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external
agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy."
Second law of Love:
The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance."
Third law of Love:
The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
First law of Love:
A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external
agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy."
Second law of Love:
The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance."
Third law of Love:
The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."
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