Laura Bush bought George a parrot for his birthday.
She told Dick Cheney, "The bird is so smart! George has already taught him to pronounce over 200 words!"
"Wow, that's pretty impressive," Cheney said. "But you do realize that he just says the words. He doesn't understand what they mean."
"That's okay," Laura replied. "Neither does the Parrot."
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Three bones!
An Irish father was seeing his son off on a steamship where the lad was going to a new land with the intention of seeking his fortune in a new way of life.
"Now, Michael, my boy," said the father as they parted, "remember the three bones, and ye'll always get along all right."
A stranger standing nearby overheard the remark, and when the ship was underway, he asked the old gentleman what the three bones he referred to in his parting advice to his son.
"Sure, now," responded the old Irishman, "and wouldn't it be the wishbone and the jawbone and the backbone? It's the wishbone that keeps you going after things, and it's the jawbone that helps you find out how to go after them if you are not too proud to ask a question when there's something you don't know, and it's the backbone that keeps you at it until you get there."
"Now, Michael, my boy," said the father as they parted, "remember the three bones, and ye'll always get along all right."
A stranger standing nearby overheard the remark, and when the ship was underway, he asked the old gentleman what the three bones he referred to in his parting advice to his son.
"Sure, now," responded the old Irishman, "and wouldn't it be the wishbone and the jawbone and the backbone? It's the wishbone that keeps you going after things, and it's the jawbone that helps you find out how to go after them if you are not too proud to ask a question when there's something you don't know, and it's the backbone that keeps you at it until you get there."
Drunken drive
I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.
I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.
I'm lying here dying, Mom....
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.
I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "Mumma's Boy" on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.
I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.
I'm lying here dying, Mom....
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.
I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "Mumma's Boy" on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?
Elbowing around - A must read!
A young lady is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A.
Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you''
The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?''
"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?''
She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A.
Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you''
The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?''
"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?''
Indian culture - too good!
A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a
beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
G. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
What a Crazy coincidence!
One month later, on various parts of the island,the following was
observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they spend
with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are happy together, and the Greek woman is cooking
& cleaning for them.
E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long
look at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.
F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island
trying to sell them the Mexican woman.
G. What happened to the Indians????
scroll down......
--
The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the
Indian woman!
beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
G. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
What a Crazy coincidence!
One month later, on various parts of the island,the following was
observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they spend
with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are happy together, and the Greek woman is cooking
& cleaning for them.
E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long
look at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.
F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island
trying to sell them the Mexican woman.
G. What happened to the Indians????
scroll down......
--
The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the
Indian woman!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Riddle!
We lock our lips on top of it...
We hold it in the middle...
We fire the bottom of it...
What is it?
I knew you would mistake me... It's just a cigar! :)
We hold it in the middle...
We fire the bottom of it...
What is it?
I knew you would mistake me... It's just a cigar! :)
A Mailman's last day at work!
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the f inal house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Screw him - - - give him a dollar."
The blonde then blushed and said, "The breakfast was my idea"
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the f inal house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Screw him - - - give him a dollar."
The blonde then blushed and said, "The breakfast was my idea"
Inititative matters!
Some years ago, three brothers left the farm to work in the city. They were all hired by the same company at the same pay. Three years later, Jim was being paid $500 a month, Frank was receiving $1,000, but George was now making $1,500.
Their father decided to visit the employer. He listened to the confused father and said, "I will let the boys explain for themselves."
Jim was summoned to the supervisor's office and was told, "Jim, I understand the Far East Importers has just brought in a large transport plane loaded with Japanese import goods. Will you please go over to the airport and get a cargo inventory?"
Three minutes later, Jim returned to the office. "The cargo was one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," Jim reported. "I got the information over the telephone from a member of the crew."
When Jim left, Frank, the $1,000 a month brother, was called. "Frank," said the supervisor, "I wish you'd go out to the airport and get an inventory of the cargo plane which was just brought in by Far East Importers."
An hour later, Frank was back in the office with a list showing that the plane carried 1,000 bolts of Japanese silk, 500 transistor radios, and 1,000 hand painted bamboo trays. George, the $1,500 a month brother, was given identical instructions. Working hours were over when he finally returned.
"The transport plane carried one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," he began. "It was on sale at sixty dollars a bolt, so I took a two-day option on the whole lot. I have wired a designer in New York offering the silk at seventy-five dollars a bolt. I expect to have the order tomorrow. I also found five hundred transistor radios, which I sold over the telephone at a profit of $2.30 each. There were a thousand bamboo trays, but they were of poor quality, so I didn't try to do anything with them."
When George left the office, the employer smiled. "You probably noticed," he said, "that Jim doesn't do what he's told, Frank does only what he'd told, but George does without being told."
The future is full of promise for one who shows initiative.
Their father decided to visit the employer. He listened to the confused father and said, "I will let the boys explain for themselves."
Jim was summoned to the supervisor's office and was told, "Jim, I understand the Far East Importers has just brought in a large transport plane loaded with Japanese import goods. Will you please go over to the airport and get a cargo inventory?"
Three minutes later, Jim returned to the office. "The cargo was one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," Jim reported. "I got the information over the telephone from a member of the crew."
When Jim left, Frank, the $1,000 a month brother, was called. "Frank," said the supervisor, "I wish you'd go out to the airport and get an inventory of the cargo plane which was just brought in by Far East Importers."
An hour later, Frank was back in the office with a list showing that the plane carried 1,000 bolts of Japanese silk, 500 transistor radios, and 1,000 hand painted bamboo trays. George, the $1,500 a month brother, was given identical instructions. Working hours were over when he finally returned.
"The transport plane carried one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," he began. "It was on sale at sixty dollars a bolt, so I took a two-day option on the whole lot. I have wired a designer in New York offering the silk at seventy-five dollars a bolt. I expect to have the order tomorrow. I also found five hundred transistor radios, which I sold over the telephone at a profit of $2.30 each. There were a thousand bamboo trays, but they were of poor quality, so I didn't try to do anything with them."
When George left the office, the employer smiled. "You probably noticed," he said, "that Jim doesn't do what he's told, Frank does only what he'd told, but George does without being told."
The future is full of promise for one who shows initiative.
Animated Resume -- Think different!
Check this out...
The guy posted his resume as an animated musical on the net and he was hired by Microsoft Graphics team
http://www.paradoxware.com/alstudio/cv/en.htm
Think different... Achieve better!
The guy posted his resume as an animated musical on the net and he was hired by Microsoft Graphics team
http://www.paradoxware.com/alstudio/cv/en.htm
Think different... Achieve better!
Monday, February 26, 2007
A Touching story!
“So, is this your first trip to a temple in the US?” asked his Manager driving the car and trying to make a conversation. But he was hardly listening and seemed lost in a world of his own. He was still upset over the whole episode with her and it seemed to him as if he was complicating matters for himself. When his Manager offered a ride to the Satyanarayanan Temple in Middletown he obliged just to escape from himself.
The problem with most of Indians is that we fail to draw a fine line between our professional and personal lives. We call our girlfriend, husband, Mom, friend in our office time and prepare documents, test plans, discuss appraisals at home. Then we end up screwing both professional and personal lives and end up dissatisfied. Two days before had finished a client presentation and was awaiting the result and it turned negative. He was in a foul mood and it was then that she called. He blasted his anger over her and switched over his mobile. The easiest thing for anyone of us is to release our anger on our near and dear ones as we take them for granted and he had done the same. It had been 2 days since and he had not called her and neither returned her calls a day before.
They parked their car outside in the parking lot which had lot of Honda’s, Toyota’s and Nissan’s which suggested the abundance presence of Indian fraternity inside the temple. The Middletown Satyanarayanan temple looked beautiful. It had a traditional Hindu construction with a Dravidian styled stepped pyramid structure. As they left their footwear before in the corridor he noticed a sign which read “Visa/Master card accepted for donations”. Seems that God had got wind of the fact that people produce counterfeit money and so now had decided to rely on advanced technology.
God it was nice to see someone clad in Churidar and Saree. In the beginning he had enjoyed the sight of women dressed in short skirts and tops and whatsoever, but as days progressed he realized that he yearned to see someone in traditional Indian dress and seems as if today his prayers were answered. Although when he looked at one women he got reminded of her. He was reminded how he used to go around the temple in his neighborhood holding his hand in hers. He moved forward and looked at the marble murthi of Radhe Krishna. Born and brought up in a south Indian environment he grew up to stone structures of gods and the marble one reminded him of the Marwadi temple in his neighborhood.
There was a sign which read “Cell Phones should not be used here” although a gentleman on his left was praying with a blue tooth device attached. Everyone around was praying something while he seemed lost in her thoughts. If there was bell outside God’s premises for prayers, maybe it was ringing damn loud now. The children seemed unaware of this and were running around playing hide and seek. One child was whispering something in Nandhi’s ear which reminded him of the same thing he did when he was studying in 3rd standard about a passmark in the Maths paper. Eventually he failed and cursed god for sometime about that.
Just then a women started to sing Vaishnava Janato and the whole atmosphere changed. There was something divine in her voice which made him break into a million pieces. He realized that his ego walls stood nowhere near his strong love for her. That was all that he could hold on to and he walked out of the temple and dialed the only number he remembered by heart. He said “Ma, Will you sing Vaishnava Janato for me?”
8000 odd miles and 10 and half hours apart his mother had no idea for her son’s sudden urge of viewers request. But as all moms do, she willfully obliged.
Halfway through the song, he was close to tears and confessed “Ma, did I tell you that I love you more than anything else on earth?”
Her reply was simple and sweet “You need not son”.
The problem with most of Indians is that we fail to draw a fine line between our professional and personal lives. We call our girlfriend, husband, Mom, friend in our office time and prepare documents, test plans, discuss appraisals at home. Then we end up screwing both professional and personal lives and end up dissatisfied. Two days before had finished a client presentation and was awaiting the result and it turned negative. He was in a foul mood and it was then that she called. He blasted his anger over her and switched over his mobile. The easiest thing for anyone of us is to release our anger on our near and dear ones as we take them for granted and he had done the same. It had been 2 days since and he had not called her and neither returned her calls a day before.
They parked their car outside in the parking lot which had lot of Honda’s, Toyota’s and Nissan’s which suggested the abundance presence of Indian fraternity inside the temple. The Middletown Satyanarayanan temple looked beautiful. It had a traditional Hindu construction with a Dravidian styled stepped pyramid structure. As they left their footwear before in the corridor he noticed a sign which read “Visa/Master card accepted for donations”. Seems that God had got wind of the fact that people produce counterfeit money and so now had decided to rely on advanced technology.
God it was nice to see someone clad in Churidar and Saree. In the beginning he had enjoyed the sight of women dressed in short skirts and tops and whatsoever, but as days progressed he realized that he yearned to see someone in traditional Indian dress and seems as if today his prayers were answered. Although when he looked at one women he got reminded of her. He was reminded how he used to go around the temple in his neighborhood holding his hand in hers. He moved forward and looked at the marble murthi of Radhe Krishna. Born and brought up in a south Indian environment he grew up to stone structures of gods and the marble one reminded him of the Marwadi temple in his neighborhood.
There was a sign which read “Cell Phones should not be used here” although a gentleman on his left was praying with a blue tooth device attached. Everyone around was praying something while he seemed lost in her thoughts. If there was bell outside God’s premises for prayers, maybe it was ringing damn loud now. The children seemed unaware of this and were running around playing hide and seek. One child was whispering something in Nandhi’s ear which reminded him of the same thing he did when he was studying in 3rd standard about a passmark in the Maths paper. Eventually he failed and cursed god for sometime about that.
Just then a women started to sing Vaishnava Janato and the whole atmosphere changed. There was something divine in her voice which made him break into a million pieces. He realized that his ego walls stood nowhere near his strong love for her. That was all that he could hold on to and he walked out of the temple and dialed the only number he remembered by heart. He said “Ma, Will you sing Vaishnava Janato for me?”
8000 odd miles and 10 and half hours apart his mother had no idea for her son’s sudden urge of viewers request. But as all moms do, she willfully obliged.
Halfway through the song, he was close to tears and confessed “Ma, did I tell you that I love you more than anything else on earth?”
Her reply was simple and sweet “You need not son”.
More Sardar jokes... More fun!
Q. Why can't Sardar dial 911?
A. They can not find the eleven on the phone
----------------------
Q. What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
A. He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
---------------
Q. What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
A. As he has already one with him, he takes a photocopy of the white paper !!!
---------------
Q. Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A. Because below 18 was not allowed.
---------------
Q. How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
A. Stick a tyre pressure gauge in his ear.
---------------
Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
---------------
Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
A. Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.
---------------
Q. How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
---------------
--------------
Q. Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
A. So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
---------------
Q. Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
A. They always forget the recipe.
---------------
Q. How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
A. He threw it off a cliff.
---------------
Q. What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.
---------------
Q. What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
A. The back of his head.
----------------
Q. Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
A. They think their picture is being taken.
---------------
Q. Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.
----------------
Q. How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
-----------------
Q. How do you get Sardar on the roof?
A. Tell him the drinks are on the house.
-----------------
Q. "Oh, look at the dead bird.
A. " Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
A. They can not find the eleven on the phone
----------------------
Q. What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
A. He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
---------------
Q. What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
A. As he has already one with him, he takes a photocopy of the white paper !!!
---------------
Q. Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A. Because below 18 was not allowed.
---------------
Q. How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
A. Stick a tyre pressure gauge in his ear.
---------------
Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
---------------
Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
A. Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.
---------------
Q. How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
---------------
--------------
Q. Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
A. So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
---------------
Q. Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
A. They always forget the recipe.
---------------
Q. How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
A. He threw it off a cliff.
---------------
Q. What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.
---------------
Q. What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
A. The back of his head.
----------------
Q. Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
A. They think their picture is being taken.
---------------
Q. Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.
----------------
Q. How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
-----------------
Q. How do you get Sardar on the roof?
A. Tell him the drinks are on the house.
-----------------
Q. "Oh, look at the dead bird.
A. " Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
Presence of mind!
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago.
While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was a! lso flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?"
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I' m waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say "Hi Tom?"
"Sure."
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, Tom," he said.
I replied, "Shut up, Bill, I'm in a meeting."
While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was a! lso flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?"
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I' m waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say "Hi Tom?"
"Sure."
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, Tom," he said.
I replied, "Shut up, Bill, I'm in a meeting."
More Sardar jokes!
Q: What do you call a Sikh who drinks only beer?
A: JUSBEER SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh guy who has only one drink ?
A: JUST-ONE SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh scuba diver?
A: JULL-UNDER SINGHQ:
What do you call a better adapted Sikh diver?
A: JULL-UNDER SINGH GILL.
Q: What do you call a bald Sikh guy ?
A: BALD-EV SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh boyfriend?
A: HER PAL SINGH.
Q: Who is he who has many publications to his credit?
A: JOURNAL SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh guy running towards the enemy camp witha
white flag in his hand?
A: SURRENDER SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh man with only one hair?
A: IK-BAL SINGH
Q: What do you call a Sikh man who is a fast runner?
A: TEJ SINGH
Q: What do you call a Sikh standing on one leg?
A: BALAN SINGH
Q: What do you call a Sikh enjoying a walk in the park?
A: RELAX SINGH
A: JUSBEER SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh guy who has only one drink ?
A: JUST-ONE SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh scuba diver?
A: JULL-UNDER SINGHQ:
What do you call a better adapted Sikh diver?
A: JULL-UNDER SINGH GILL.
Q: What do you call a bald Sikh guy ?
A: BALD-EV SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh boyfriend?
A: HER PAL SINGH.
Q: Who is he who has many publications to his credit?
A: JOURNAL SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh guy running towards the enemy camp witha
white flag in his hand?
A: SURRENDER SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh man with only one hair?
A: IK-BAL SINGH
Q: What do you call a Sikh man who is a fast runner?
A: TEJ SINGH
Q: What do you call a Sikh standing on one leg?
A: BALAN SINGH
Q: What do you call a Sikh enjoying a walk in the park?
A: RELAX SINGH
Sardar jokes
A sardar enters the shop and shouts.. "Where's my free gift with this oil?" Shop Keeper: "Iske sath koi gift nahi hai bhaisaab.." Sardar: "ore, ispe likha hai cholestral free.."
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl. He went and kissed her. Girl : Stupid! What are you doing? Sardar : B.Com second year.
One Person asked Sardar : Tell me the word, which is having more than 100 letters. Sardar replied as... P-O-S-T-B-O-X
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter! At 25flr:I'm unmarried! At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire? Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
Sardar: I haven't slept all nite in the train. Frnd: Y? Sardar: Got upper berth. Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged? Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..
A train suddenly slips into a crop field n stumbled n stops.The driver is sardarji. Passengers: R u blind,how did the train slipped into the field. sardar:A man was standing on the tracks. Passengers:for i man u endangered somany lives, u must have smashed him. sardar:I was trying to do that but he ran into the fields. :-)
ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM,DARLING ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING? HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It"s already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl. He went and kissed her. Girl : Stupid! What are you doing? Sardar : B.Com second year.
One Person asked Sardar : Tell me the word, which is having more than 100 letters. Sardar replied as... P-O-S-T-B-O-X
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter! At 25flr:I'm unmarried! At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire? Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
Sardar: I haven't slept all nite in the train. Frnd: Y? Sardar: Got upper berth. Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged? Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..
A train suddenly slips into a crop field n stumbled n stops.The driver is sardarji. Passengers: R u blind,how did the train slipped into the field. sardar:A man was standing on the tracks. Passengers:for i man u endangered somany lives, u must have smashed him. sardar:I was trying to do that but he ran into the fields. :-)
ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM,DARLING ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING? HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It"s already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
Husband - Wife jokes
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge:
"Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. Why, Dad ? Tell me why!"
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares to answer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?"
The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came
home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.
"Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. Why, Dad ? Tell me why!"
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares to answer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?"
The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came
home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.
Laloo joke -- Lost in translation
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.
Old Story, New climax
A Bihari hat-seller who was passing by a forest
decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left
his whole basket of hats
by the side.
A few hours later, he woke up and
realized that all his hats were gone.
He looked up and to his surprise, the
tree was full of monkeys
and they had taken all his hats. The Bihari
sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.
While thinking he started to scratch his
head. The next moment,the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he
took down his own hat,
the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea
came to him, he took
his
hat and threw it on the floor and the
monkeys did that too. So he
finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, Baloo,
also became a hat-seller
and had heard this monkey story from his
grandfather. One day,
just like his grandfather, he passed by
the same forest. It was
very hot, and he took a nap under the
same tree and left the hats
on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his
hats were taken by the
monkeys on the tree. He remembered his
grand father's words,
started scratching his head and the
monkeys followed. He took
down
his hat and fanned himself and again the
monkeys followed. Now,
very convinced of his grandfather's idea,
Baloo threw his hat on
the floor but to his surprise, the
monkeys still held on to all
the hats. Then one monkey climbed down
the tree, grabbed the hat
on the floor, gave him a slap and said
Guess What????????
"You think only you have a grandfather?"
decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left
his whole basket of hats
by the side.
A few hours later, he woke up and
realized that all his hats were gone.
He looked up and to his surprise, the
tree was full of monkeys
and they had taken all his hats. The Bihari
sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.
While thinking he started to scratch his
head. The next moment,the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he
took down his own hat,
the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea
came to him, he took
his
hat and threw it on the floor and the
monkeys did that too. So he
finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, Baloo,
also became a hat-seller
and had heard this monkey story from his
grandfather. One day,
just like his grandfather, he passed by
the same forest. It was
very hot, and he took a nap under the
same tree and left the hats
on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his
hats were taken by the
monkeys on the tree. He remembered his
grand father's words,
started scratching his head and the
monkeys followed. He took
down
his hat and fanned himself and again the
monkeys followed. Now,
very convinced of his grandfather's idea,
Baloo threw his hat on
the floor but to his surprise, the
monkeys still held on to all
the hats. Then one monkey climbed down
the tree, grabbed the hat
on the floor, gave him a slap and said
Guess What????????
"You think only you have a grandfather?"
Understand the requirements -- Y2k - cool joke!
Report from Banta Singh to his manager:
Dear Sir,
Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
As well as:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak.
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? We'll await your direction."
Very Sincerely,
Banta.S
Y2K Project Leader
Dear Sir,
Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
As well as:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak.
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? We'll await your direction."
Very Sincerely,
Banta.S
Y2K Project Leader
Gotcha!
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with very low intelligence read their Emails and articles on the internet with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. :D
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. :D
The one and only TR!
Check this out...
http://images.indiaglitz.com/playerV2/vplayerV71.asp?vid=24561&category=5002
http://images.indiaglitz.com/playerV2/vplayerV71.asp?vid=24561&category=5002
More PJs
1. A boy says to his mom that a cow standing on the road keeps shouting 'F'... 'F'... and surprisingly he's right! How???
Because F=ma ( Newton 's Second Law :) )
2. A boy throws a bottle of Bournvita out of the window. A cat sees it, and takes the bottle of bournvita and buries it under the ground. Why?
Because it's 'CAT-BURIES' Bournvita
3. Who is called female Java?
Java'Gal' Srinath
4. 3 cockroaches are walking on the road. Suddenly 1 of them starts singing 'Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam...' And the other 2 die immediately. Why?
Because it was a HIT song.
Because F=ma ( Newton 's Second Law :) )
2. A boy throws a bottle of Bournvita out of the window. A cat sees it, and takes the bottle of bournvita and buries it under the ground. Why?
Because it's 'CAT-BURIES' Bournvita
3. Who is called female Java?
Java'Gal' Srinath
4. 3 cockroaches are walking on the road. Suddenly 1 of them starts singing 'Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam...' And the other 2 die immediately. Why?
Because it was a HIT song.
Moles and what they say about you
The Chinese Almanac, also known as the Tung Shu, is commonly known as a book of auspicious and inauspicious dates, but there is so much more to the Tung Shu than that. It is a vast mine of information relating to astrology, codes and symbols, derived by the wise sages and philosophers of ancient China. In this issue, we bring to you the secrets from the almanac regarding moles on your face and what they mean depending on which part of your face they appear.
First, check your face for any moles, and then look at the diagram above to identify the number(s) that are a closest match to the moles on your face. Usually, the moles only hold meaning for you if they are prominent and they are the only one. If your face if full of spots, or "little" moles, they do not count. When you've ascertained which position corresponds to the mole on your face, look up the meanings listed by numbers below.
Position 1 to 3
As a child, you are somewhat rebellious and a free spirit. You have an innate creativity and work best when you are given a free hand. Generally, your superiors like your avante garde approach to life. If you have a mole here, you are far better off in business and being your own boss rather than working for somebody. What is promising is that you have the luck to be your own boss.
Position 4
You are an impulsive person, often acting with a flamboyance that gives ! you charisma and a sparkling personality, but you can be difficult when there are too many opinions. You tend to be rather argumentative, but never to the point of holding grudges. This mole tends to give you an explosive temper and should you decide to remove it, you will find yours! elf becoming calmer and more at peace with the world.
Position 5
A mole above the eyebrow indicates that there is wealth luck in your life, but you will need to earn it and work harder than most people. All the income you make must be carefully kept as there are people who are jealous of you who might attempt to sweet talk you into parting with your wealth. Be wary of those who try to interest you in get-rich-quick schemes. If you have a mole here, it is advisable not to be too trusting of others. Follow your instincts and be cautious. And never allow other people to control your finances.
Position 6
A mole here indicates intelligence, creativity and skill as an artist. Your artistic talent can bring you wealth, fame and success. It also indicates wealth luck, but this can only be fully realized! if you follow your heart rather than stick to conventional means of making a living. Success will come if you are brave.
Position 7
Moles under the eyebrows indicate arguments within the extended family that cause you grief and unhappiness. This will affect your work and livelihood. It is advisable to settle any differences you have with your relatives if you want peace of mind to move ahead.
Position 8
This is not a very good position for a mole. Your financial position will constantly be under strain because! of a tendency to overspend. You also have a penchant for gambling. The only thing is you must know when to stop. Meanwhile, someone with a mole here has a tendency to flirt with members of the opposite sex as well as with the same sex. Better be a little discerning where you exert your charms, or you might get into trouble.
Position 9
This mole position suggests sexual and other problems. It is an unfortunate mole and you are well advised to get rid of it. It brings a litany of woes and a parade of problems.
Position 10
A mole here just under the nose indicates excellent descendants luck. You are surrounded by family at all times and will have many children and grandchildren. You have the support of those close to you and will be both materially and emotionally fulfilled.
Position 11
Moles here suggest a tendency to succumb to illness. It is a good idea to have this mole removed especially if it is a large, dark-coloured mole. Otherwise use lots of foundation to cover it.
Position 12
A mole here foretells a successful but also a very balanced life. You are likely to be not just rich, but famous as well. But although you have every opportunity to live the high life, you will have a satisfying home and family life as well. Women with moles here are particularly lucky and tend to be beautiful and glamourous as well.
Position 13
Your children will be a big worry in your life. Your relationship with them is not good. There is nothing much you can do about this except to learn some tolerance!
Position 14
A mole here suggests a vulnerability to food which can be a big problem in your life. You may have allergies against certain foods or you may simply be eating too much.
Position 15
You are a person always on the move and constantly renovating and redesigning your house. You like to be introduced to new things and see new places. You are not happy if you remain in one place for long. You enjoy travel and adventure, and have a very observant eye.
Position 16
You need to be careful when it comes to eating, and also when it comes to your sex life. These are your two biggest problems. You tend to have weight issues which can make you depressed. You enjoy romance, sometimes with more than one person, but because you are a person with some morality, you will feel guilty about it and this will cause you much stress.
Position 17
You will be someone of great social prominence. You are active on the social scene and an excellent conversationalist. There is a tendency to become big-headed about your success, which could lose you your good name. This will affect you deeply because you draw your confidence and self worth from what others think of you.
Position 18
You are a person always on the move. There is a great deal of overseas travel in your life, but you should take extra care each time you cross the great waters, as your mole prefers you to stay at home.
Position 19
You have money luck and many ! good friends, so this is a good mole to have. Your weakness is that you tend to succumb to the charms of the opposite sex. In your life, it is this that could get you into hot water, so do cool your ardour!
Position 20
A mole here can be very lucky or very unlucky. If you have a mole here, you are destined either for extreme fame or infamy. You have great flair for creativity and are also highly intelligent, but your talents can be used for both good and bad. You are not a person to be trifled with for you are no pushover and do not forgive and forget easily. This mole is a mark of someone who will go down in history either as a great or as a tyrant.
Position 21
This is a good mole, as it suggests plenty to eat and drink t! hroughout your life. This mole also brings fame and recognition .
Position 22
Your life is always happy and things go smoothly for you. You could well become a sports superstar if you have the passion for it. Moles at the end of eyebrows also suggest a person of authority and power, so if you are the CEO of a company, you will do very well.
Position 23
You have a high IQ, and you are both brain smart and street smart. You have a highly-developed survival instinct and will lead a meaningful and long life. You will be active until a very old age and will have friends and family around you till the very end.
Position 24
You will achieve fame and fortune in your young age and you are advised to use this period to safeguard your old age, as people with moles here tend to have a harderlife as they get older.
Position 25
You will enjoy good prosperity and recognition luck, but do be careful of excesses. Stay traditional in your attitudes and you will have a long and fruitful life!
First, check your face for any moles, and then look at the diagram above to identify the number(s) that are a closest match to the moles on your face. Usually, the moles only hold meaning for you if they are prominent and they are the only one. If your face if full of spots, or "little" moles, they do not count. When you've ascertained which position corresponds to the mole on your face, look up the meanings listed by numbers below.
Position 1 to 3
As a child, you are somewhat rebellious and a free spirit. You have an innate creativity and work best when you are given a free hand. Generally, your superiors like your avante garde approach to life. If you have a mole here, you are far better off in business and being your own boss rather than working for somebody. What is promising is that you have the luck to be your own boss.
Position 4
You are an impulsive person, often acting with a flamboyance that gives ! you charisma and a sparkling personality, but you can be difficult when there are too many opinions. You tend to be rather argumentative, but never to the point of holding grudges. This mole tends to give you an explosive temper and should you decide to remove it, you will find yours! elf becoming calmer and more at peace with the world.
Position 5
A mole above the eyebrow indicates that there is wealth luck in your life, but you will need to earn it and work harder than most people. All the income you make must be carefully kept as there are people who are jealous of you who might attempt to sweet talk you into parting with your wealth. Be wary of those who try to interest you in get-rich-quick schemes. If you have a mole here, it is advisable not to be too trusting of others. Follow your instincts and be cautious. And never allow other people to control your finances.
Position 6
A mole here indicates intelligence, creativity and skill as an artist. Your artistic talent can bring you wealth, fame and success. It also indicates wealth luck, but this can only be fully realized! if you follow your heart rather than stick to conventional means of making a living. Success will come if you are brave.
Position 7
Moles under the eyebrows indicate arguments within the extended family that cause you grief and unhappiness. This will affect your work and livelihood. It is advisable to settle any differences you have with your relatives if you want peace of mind to move ahead.
Position 8
This is not a very good position for a mole. Your financial position will constantly be under strain because! of a tendency to overspend. You also have a penchant for gambling. The only thing is you must know when to stop. Meanwhile, someone with a mole here has a tendency to flirt with members of the opposite sex as well as with the same sex. Better be a little discerning where you exert your charms, or you might get into trouble.
Position 9
This mole position suggests sexual and other problems. It is an unfortunate mole and you are well advised to get rid of it. It brings a litany of woes and a parade of problems.
Position 10
A mole here just under the nose indicates excellent descendants luck. You are surrounded by family at all times and will have many children and grandchildren. You have the support of those close to you and will be both materially and emotionally fulfilled.
Position 11
Moles here suggest a tendency to succumb to illness. It is a good idea to have this mole removed especially if it is a large, dark-coloured mole. Otherwise use lots of foundation to cover it.
Position 12
A mole here foretells a successful but also a very balanced life. You are likely to be not just rich, but famous as well. But although you have every opportunity to live the high life, you will have a satisfying home and family life as well. Women with moles here are particularly lucky and tend to be beautiful and glamourous as well.
Position 13
Your children will be a big worry in your life. Your relationship with them is not good. There is nothing much you can do about this except to learn some tolerance!
Position 14
A mole here suggests a vulnerability to food which can be a big problem in your life. You may have allergies against certain foods or you may simply be eating too much.
Position 15
You are a person always on the move and constantly renovating and redesigning your house. You like to be introduced to new things and see new places. You are not happy if you remain in one place for long. You enjoy travel and adventure, and have a very observant eye.
Position 16
You need to be careful when it comes to eating, and also when it comes to your sex life. These are your two biggest problems. You tend to have weight issues which can make you depressed. You enjoy romance, sometimes with more than one person, but because you are a person with some morality, you will feel guilty about it and this will cause you much stress.
Position 17
You will be someone of great social prominence. You are active on the social scene and an excellent conversationalist. There is a tendency to become big-headed about your success, which could lose you your good name. This will affect you deeply because you draw your confidence and self worth from what others think of you.
Position 18
You are a person always on the move. There is a great deal of overseas travel in your life, but you should take extra care each time you cross the great waters, as your mole prefers you to stay at home.
Position 19
You have money luck and many ! good friends, so this is a good mole to have. Your weakness is that you tend to succumb to the charms of the opposite sex. In your life, it is this that could get you into hot water, so do cool your ardour!
Position 20
A mole here can be very lucky or very unlucky. If you have a mole here, you are destined either for extreme fame or infamy. You have great flair for creativity and are also highly intelligent, but your talents can be used for both good and bad. You are not a person to be trifled with for you are no pushover and do not forgive and forget easily. This mole is a mark of someone who will go down in history either as a great or as a tyrant.
Position 21
This is a good mole, as it suggests plenty to eat and drink t! hroughout your life. This mole also brings fame and recognition .
Position 22
Your life is always happy and things go smoothly for you. You could well become a sports superstar if you have the passion for it. Moles at the end of eyebrows also suggest a person of authority and power, so if you are the CEO of a company, you will do very well.
Position 23
You have a high IQ, and you are both brain smart and street smart. You have a highly-developed survival instinct and will lead a meaningful and long life. You will be active until a very old age and will have friends and family around you till the very end.
Position 24
You will achieve fame and fortune in your young age and you are advised to use this period to safeguard your old age, as people with moles here tend to have a harderlife as they get older.
Position 25
You will enjoy good prosperity and recognition luck, but do be careful of excesses. Stay traditional in your attitudes and you will have a long and fruitful life!
Sun signs and Software professionals
Aries - March 21 - April 19
The software professionals belonging to this sign are hard working and
sincere. Though they second the Taureans in hard work, they are intelligent in
their approach. They tend to display strong leadership, and their extroverted
and assertive natures let them lead the new cycle eagerly. They have humour
in their programming style and deepest concern for finishing a project. They
are dynamic and active, as befits the beginning of any project cycle. As long
as the boss gives them work and good salary, they are happy. If the
organization is not doing good, they are the first to know about it and they exit
immediately.
Taurus - April 20 - May 20
The most hard working people of all the signs. They are among the strongest
Signs when it comes to getting things done because of their reliable
persistence in moving toward completion of projects. On the other hand, they
can be very stubborn and argumentative. Though they are clumsy at their
work, they get it done. They show the deepest respect to their bosses but
hate them when they are ordered. They can work just on any platform and
language given small amount of learning time. They can withstand failure on
any projects but they undergo a little depression. They do not bother how the
organization is doing as long as they get good work and good salary.
They accommodate changes very easily.
Gemini - May 21 - June 21
These also flirt here. They talk more than what they know and form very bad
programmers. They are fascinated with gathering as much information as
possible, and their facility as communicators - both written and verbal - arises
from this need. They see the problem earlier than any other Sign can. They are
adaptable and able to tackle multiple tasks simultaneously, and they know
how to reason with people, but they may lack follow-through or seem
ungrateful. They tend to use management jargon with young people around
them. They feel jealous when somebody in their group knows more and
achieves more than them. They get their job done by hook or by crook. They
don't mind getting the work done through somebody and once they get it done
they claim the title. They show deep respect for people who help them. They
change jobs easily and they fare very well in interviews. Geminis cannot be
trusted for more than a year. They are very impractical and cannot get along
well with practical signs like Aries, Taurus.
Cancer - June 22 - July 22
The most emotional of all signs does posses the management skill more than
that of a programmer. They can manage projects and they have appreciation
for good software professionals. Though they themselves do not form good
software professionals, they motivate/demotivate their fellow people. They
can argue on any matter easily and win over it either through a practical
approach or emotionally. They play intelligently when given a task. They also,
like Gemini, get the work done through colleagues once they know they are
not capable. They are very honest and if they can't do a job they will tell you
straight in the face. They feel embarrassed when they feel they are unable to
do, when a colleague can do it easily. They are also jealous when they see
people growing around them. They try hard to be on par with everybody else.
They stay for a long time in a company only if they get more respect than what
they deserve.
Leo - July 23 - August 23
The creative software professionals. They know how what works and how to
get it done in the shortest time. They show their flamboyance in whatever
work they do. Though most Leos don't prefer Software, the ones that are in
would not like to be in it. They would prefer to be outside where they can
show other talents which they posses. Leos may be arrogant or egotistical,
but they are good organizers and tend to be popular and even inspiring. Leos
tend to be self-centered and more concerned with personal popularity rather
than group goals and sharing of ideas. Despite their tendency to patronizingly
interfere in others' plans, they are leaders, confident and dignified. Despite
their tendency toward bossiness, the natural leadership of people born under
Leo and their administrative prowess helps ensure that their projects are
successful. As leaders, Leos are decisive and direct, optimistic that they will
succeed. Sometimes they exaggerate problems and overreact to stumbling
blocks, but generally they are positive and their natural pride and the stubborn
streak keeps them from giving up. They can be demanding leaders, but they
are also generous. Leos could not be generalized as far as their personal
behavior goes. Its up to you to know whether they can be trusted.
Virgo - August 24 - September 22
Virgo, the sharing mind. They let out whatever they know to others. They
grow in a organization easily. Virgo brings their skills and talents together for
the good of others. Virgo are industrious and efficient when working for a good
cause. They are shy and nervous when they want to say something of
importance though. They are unable to demonstrate that they know. But they
are practical and logical, and they're skilled at seeing all sides of a situation.
Virgos tend to be about smaller-scale projects and individuals. They are very
good at understanding what people are saying beneath the surface words of
their communication. Detailed and precise, people born under Virgo tend to be
neat and exacting, but sometimes petty and overly fussy. At the other end of
the scale, some Virgos can be sloppy. They are reliable, practical, and diligent,
but they can sometimes seem picky or over-critical to people who aren't as
discriminating as they are.The don't tend to do well in projects that require
many interactions and people involvement. Though there are lot
contradictions, the summary is that they can be good at things that are small
given a lot of time for implementation. They may worry too much about small
details, and they can seem demanding and critical. Their nature and attention
to duty can seem like nit-picking pettiness if the people around them don't
understand Virgo's desire perfection.
Libra - September 23 - October 22
Best people to work with in large scale project activity. They form the best
middle level co-ordinators in projects and bring harmony amongst all. They try
to bring justice but can be persuaded by anybody to any side They don't have
a clear balance in what they do. But when they are given a schedule you can
be sure that a Libran will succeed in that. They are very demanding as far as
money goes. Its important that a Libran never gets bored, because if he is so,
he is out of everything. He will not do a single task when his mood is off.
Libra's intellectual orientation to the world around them makes them skilled at
communication and reasoning, and their intelligence combines with their
interest in other people to become an intellectual explorer of the people
around them. Because their efforts are mentally rather than emotionally
motivated, Librans tend to be very judicial; they are good at diplomacy and
compromise. Because they are generally reluctant to face confrontation,
people born under Libra learn to be persuasive, courteous, and adaptable. But
this may also make them seem cold and unemotional or manipulative They are
team workers, skilled at cooperative action, but they can also be self-doubting.
They are trustworthy for long times as long as they have a good working
atmosphere.
Scorpio - October 23 - November 21
The most intuitive software professionals. They do not like to be controlled by
others and often tend to be the bosses even if they aren't one. If things go
wrong they just quit. If a project doesn't seem to go well and they are in a
tight spot they just abscond and never come back. But if they make their mind
( 8% of the Scorpios they tend to be stubborn, refusing to give up when others
have long since gotten bored and abandoned a project, and getting things
done when no one else thought it possible. They have their own schedule and
they work on it. They are not adaptable to group situations and tend to be
what they are. They are very secretive in what ever they do. They are highly
revengeful and will strike when somebody steps in their way. But most
Scorpios are misunderstood. They try to know things around them and are the
first to be aware of the new technologies. They enjoy competition and they
never settle for something less then best. They are trustworthy as long as
they have work and happy and they have somebody in the management to
care of them. But when things go bad the Scorpios can never be trusted,
better to lay him off right away if you think he is playing bad.
Sagittarius - November 22 - December 21
The learned Software professional. They learn more than what is required in
this field and are the most adaptable folks. They really care little for any
project plans and know how to get it changed. Their main desire is freedom in
whatever they do. Given a free hand, they do best. They are less co-operative
in groups and tend to be very pushy. They talk too much before they think and
always fail at critical times. They are eager in getting things started and they
jump so quickly and if they fail they fail quickly too. They like one-to-one
challenges and are driven away by the group when they try blunt talk. They
come back to the group after a fight, sulking but needing. They have great
love for knowledge. They are trustworthy as long as they think that they are
learning in the current organization. They would go away in a flash if they feel
that they can learn more elsewhere.
Capricorn - December 22 - January 19
Capricorns are practical and over ambitious. The are down to earth when they
want to get things completed. They are practical, realistic, and cautious when
they schedule something. They have the highest determination for success,
they view each project as a block for their success and are less bothered
about the project itself. They can also be rigid and unforgiving when others
stand in their way. Their organizational ability combines with their diligence to
help them achieve, but they can be narrow-minded and over-critical of people
not as ambitious as they are. Capricorns would work hard and hard just for
their personal success and not for their satisfaction, which is just the
opposite in case of a Taurus. They are dependable and serious, never giving
up on their goals. Other people may see their ambition as domineering or a
reflection of egotism, but they are patient and purposeful when working
toward what they want. Sometimes they may be overly critical, even bossy,
but this is due to their strong desire to achieve their goals and not to a desire
to be rude.
Aquarius - January 20 - February 18
Hard working, and get things done just for the organization. They are very
good at group projects and form good co-ordinators. They can be opinionated,
and they work hard to bring their ideas to fruition, stubbornly refusing to give
up their causes. They get to know the technology around them and would
discuss with the people around. But since they stick to what ever they think is
right sometimes this makes them go away from the group and they keep aloof.
The are trustworthy and would stick on for a long time given the right kind of
people around them.
Pisces - February 19 - March 20
The people who are just meant to work only in group. They are selfless and do
it as you require. They most important thing to be put in them is the "focus"
since they get out doing something when they lose interest. All signs take
advantage of a Pisces for their work because they would like to make use of
his abilities. Though they are not intellectuals they are very broad minded and
good thinkers. Very trustworthy as long as they are not abused too often
The software professionals belonging to this sign are hard working and
sincere. Though they second the Taureans in hard work, they are intelligent in
their approach. They tend to display strong leadership, and their extroverted
and assertive natures let them lead the new cycle eagerly. They have humour
in their programming style and deepest concern for finishing a project. They
are dynamic and active, as befits the beginning of any project cycle. As long
as the boss gives them work and good salary, they are happy. If the
organization is not doing good, they are the first to know about it and they exit
immediately.
Taurus - April 20 - May 20
The most hard working people of all the signs. They are among the strongest
Signs when it comes to getting things done because of their reliable
persistence in moving toward completion of projects. On the other hand, they
can be very stubborn and argumentative. Though they are clumsy at their
work, they get it done. They show the deepest respect to their bosses but
hate them when they are ordered. They can work just on any platform and
language given small amount of learning time. They can withstand failure on
any projects but they undergo a little depression. They do not bother how the
organization is doing as long as they get good work and good salary.
They accommodate changes very easily.
Gemini - May 21 - June 21
These also flirt here. They talk more than what they know and form very bad
programmers. They are fascinated with gathering as much information as
possible, and their facility as communicators - both written and verbal - arises
from this need. They see the problem earlier than any other Sign can. They are
adaptable and able to tackle multiple tasks simultaneously, and they know
how to reason with people, but they may lack follow-through or seem
ungrateful. They tend to use management jargon with young people around
them. They feel jealous when somebody in their group knows more and
achieves more than them. They get their job done by hook or by crook. They
don't mind getting the work done through somebody and once they get it done
they claim the title. They show deep respect for people who help them. They
change jobs easily and they fare very well in interviews. Geminis cannot be
trusted for more than a year. They are very impractical and cannot get along
well with practical signs like Aries, Taurus.
Cancer - June 22 - July 22
The most emotional of all signs does posses the management skill more than
that of a programmer. They can manage projects and they have appreciation
for good software professionals. Though they themselves do not form good
software professionals, they motivate/demotivate their fellow people. They
can argue on any matter easily and win over it either through a practical
approach or emotionally. They play intelligently when given a task. They also,
like Gemini, get the work done through colleagues once they know they are
not capable. They are very honest and if they can't do a job they will tell you
straight in the face. They feel embarrassed when they feel they are unable to
do, when a colleague can do it easily. They are also jealous when they see
people growing around them. They try hard to be on par with everybody else.
They stay for a long time in a company only if they get more respect than what
they deserve.
Leo - July 23 - August 23
The creative software professionals. They know how what works and how to
get it done in the shortest time. They show their flamboyance in whatever
work they do. Though most Leos don't prefer Software, the ones that are in
would not like to be in it. They would prefer to be outside where they can
show other talents which they posses. Leos may be arrogant or egotistical,
but they are good organizers and tend to be popular and even inspiring. Leos
tend to be self-centered and more concerned with personal popularity rather
than group goals and sharing of ideas. Despite their tendency to patronizingly
interfere in others' plans, they are leaders, confident and dignified. Despite
their tendency toward bossiness, the natural leadership of people born under
Leo and their administrative prowess helps ensure that their projects are
successful. As leaders, Leos are decisive and direct, optimistic that they will
succeed. Sometimes they exaggerate problems and overreact to stumbling
blocks, but generally they are positive and their natural pride and the stubborn
streak keeps them from giving up. They can be demanding leaders, but they
are also generous. Leos could not be generalized as far as their personal
behavior goes. Its up to you to know whether they can be trusted.
Virgo - August 24 - September 22
Virgo, the sharing mind. They let out whatever they know to others. They
grow in a organization easily. Virgo brings their skills and talents together for
the good of others. Virgo are industrious and efficient when working for a good
cause. They are shy and nervous when they want to say something of
importance though. They are unable to demonstrate that they know. But they
are practical and logical, and they're skilled at seeing all sides of a situation.
Virgos tend to be about smaller-scale projects and individuals. They are very
good at understanding what people are saying beneath the surface words of
their communication. Detailed and precise, people born under Virgo tend to be
neat and exacting, but sometimes petty and overly fussy. At the other end of
the scale, some Virgos can be sloppy. They are reliable, practical, and diligent,
but they can sometimes seem picky or over-critical to people who aren't as
discriminating as they are.The don't tend to do well in projects that require
many interactions and people involvement. Though there are lot
contradictions, the summary is that they can be good at things that are small
given a lot of time for implementation. They may worry too much about small
details, and they can seem demanding and critical. Their nature and attention
to duty can seem like nit-picking pettiness if the people around them don't
understand Virgo's desire perfection.
Libra - September 23 - October 22
Best people to work with in large scale project activity. They form the best
middle level co-ordinators in projects and bring harmony amongst all. They try
to bring justice but can be persuaded by anybody to any side They don't have
a clear balance in what they do. But when they are given a schedule you can
be sure that a Libran will succeed in that. They are very demanding as far as
money goes. Its important that a Libran never gets bored, because if he is so,
he is out of everything. He will not do a single task when his mood is off.
Libra's intellectual orientation to the world around them makes them skilled at
communication and reasoning, and their intelligence combines with their
interest in other people to become an intellectual explorer of the people
around them. Because their efforts are mentally rather than emotionally
motivated, Librans tend to be very judicial; they are good at diplomacy and
compromise. Because they are generally reluctant to face confrontation,
people born under Libra learn to be persuasive, courteous, and adaptable. But
this may also make them seem cold and unemotional or manipulative They are
team workers, skilled at cooperative action, but they can also be self-doubting.
They are trustworthy for long times as long as they have a good working
atmosphere.
Scorpio - October 23 - November 21
The most intuitive software professionals. They do not like to be controlled by
others and often tend to be the bosses even if they aren't one. If things go
wrong they just quit. If a project doesn't seem to go well and they are in a
tight spot they just abscond and never come back. But if they make their mind
( 8% of the Scorpios they tend to be stubborn, refusing to give up when others
have long since gotten bored and abandoned a project, and getting things
done when no one else thought it possible. They have their own schedule and
they work on it. They are not adaptable to group situations and tend to be
what they are. They are very secretive in what ever they do. They are highly
revengeful and will strike when somebody steps in their way. But most
Scorpios are misunderstood. They try to know things around them and are the
first to be aware of the new technologies. They enjoy competition and they
never settle for something less then best. They are trustworthy as long as
they have work and happy and they have somebody in the management to
care of them. But when things go bad the Scorpios can never be trusted,
better to lay him off right away if you think he is playing bad.
Sagittarius - November 22 - December 21
The learned Software professional. They learn more than what is required in
this field and are the most adaptable folks. They really care little for any
project plans and know how to get it changed. Their main desire is freedom in
whatever they do. Given a free hand, they do best. They are less co-operative
in groups and tend to be very pushy. They talk too much before they think and
always fail at critical times. They are eager in getting things started and they
jump so quickly and if they fail they fail quickly too. They like one-to-one
challenges and are driven away by the group when they try blunt talk. They
come back to the group after a fight, sulking but needing. They have great
love for knowledge. They are trustworthy as long as they think that they are
learning in the current organization. They would go away in a flash if they feel
that they can learn more elsewhere.
Capricorn - December 22 - January 19
Capricorns are practical and over ambitious. The are down to earth when they
want to get things completed. They are practical, realistic, and cautious when
they schedule something. They have the highest determination for success,
they view each project as a block for their success and are less bothered
about the project itself. They can also be rigid and unforgiving when others
stand in their way. Their organizational ability combines with their diligence to
help them achieve, but they can be narrow-minded and over-critical of people
not as ambitious as they are. Capricorns would work hard and hard just for
their personal success and not for their satisfaction, which is just the
opposite in case of a Taurus. They are dependable and serious, never giving
up on their goals. Other people may see their ambition as domineering or a
reflection of egotism, but they are patient and purposeful when working
toward what they want. Sometimes they may be overly critical, even bossy,
but this is due to their strong desire to achieve their goals and not to a desire
to be rude.
Aquarius - January 20 - February 18
Hard working, and get things done just for the organization. They are very
good at group projects and form good co-ordinators. They can be opinionated,
and they work hard to bring their ideas to fruition, stubbornly refusing to give
up their causes. They get to know the technology around them and would
discuss with the people around. But since they stick to what ever they think is
right sometimes this makes them go away from the group and they keep aloof.
The are trustworthy and would stick on for a long time given the right kind of
people around them.
Pisces - February 19 - March 20
The people who are just meant to work only in group. They are selfless and do
it as you require. They most important thing to be put in them is the "focus"
since they get out doing something when they lose interest. All signs take
advantage of a Pisces for their work because they would like to make use of
his abilities. Though they are not intellectuals they are very broad minded and
good thinkers. Very trustworthy as long as they are not abused too often
The crux of life
Here's an all time favourite that has been written in many languages.
There once was an oyster whose story I tell,
Who found that some sand had got into his shell.
It was only a grain, but it gave him great pain.
For oysters have feelings although they're so plain.
Now, did he berate the harsh workings of fate
That had brought him to such a deplorable state?
Did he curse at the government, cry for election,
And claim that the sea should have given him protection?
'No,' he said to himself as he lay on a shell,
Since I cannot remove it, I shall try to improve it.
Now the years have rolled around, as the years always do,
And he came to his ultimate destiny stew.
And the small grain of sand that had bothered him so
Was a beautiful pearl all richly aglow.
Now the tale has a moral, for isn't it grand
What an oyster can do with a morsel of sand?
What couldn't we do if we'd only begin
With some of the things that get under our skin.
- Anonymous
There once was an oyster whose story I tell,
Who found that some sand had got into his shell.
It was only a grain, but it gave him great pain.
For oysters have feelings although they're so plain.
Now, did he berate the harsh workings of fate
That had brought him to such a deplorable state?
Did he curse at the government, cry for election,
And claim that the sea should have given him protection?
'No,' he said to himself as he lay on a shell,
Since I cannot remove it, I shall try to improve it.
Now the years have rolled around, as the years always do,
And he came to his ultimate destiny stew.
And the small grain of sand that had bothered him so
Was a beautiful pearl all richly aglow.
Now the tale has a moral, for isn't it grand
What an oyster can do with a morsel of sand?
What couldn't we do if we'd only begin
With some of the things that get under our skin.
- Anonymous
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