Maths and science jokes

Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one
says to the second that the average person
knows very little about basic mathematics.
The second one disagrees, and claims that most
people can cope with a reasonable amount
of mathematics.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom,
and in his absence the second calls over the waitress.
He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has
returned, he will call her over and ask her a question.
All she has to do is
answer "one third x cubed."
She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"?
He repeats, "one third x cubed".
She asks, "one thir dex cubed?"
"Yes, that's right," he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself,
"one thir dex cubed...".
The first guy returns
and the second proposes a bet
to prove his point, that most people do know something
about basic mathematics. He says he will ask the blonde waitress
an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man
calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?".
The waitress says "one third x cubed" and whilst walking away,
turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!"

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Q. What did the number 0 say to the number 8?
A. Nice belt!
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Q. Why did the chicken cross the Moebius Strip?
A. To get to the other...er.. umm.

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Q. Why did 5 eat 6?
A. Because 7 8 9.
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An assemblage of the most gifted minds in the world were all posed
the following question: "What is 2 + 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his calculator, taps away at it for a while and
finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem
on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, oblivious to the rest of the
world, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can prove
an answer exists!".
The philosopher strokes his chin for several days, finally asking:
"But what do you mean by 2 + 2?"
Finally the accountant closes all the doors and windows,
looks around carefully then asks "What do you want the answer to be?"
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I have a truly marvellous demonstration of humour,
which this email is too small to contain.....

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Did you hear about the statistician who used to go out with
a lot of girls but didn't like to talk about it?
He was a discrete data
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Q. What's green and commutes?
A. An abelian grape
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Q. Why did the programmer confuse Halloween with Christmas?
A. Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
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THEOREM
Every horse has an infinite number of legs.
PROOF
At the back a horse has two legs, and at the front a horse has fore legs.
So the total number of legs on any horse is two plus fore = six, an even
number. But six is an odd number of legs for a horse to have! Hence we
have shown that a horse has a number of legs that is both even and odd.
The only number that is both even and odd is infinity, therefore a horse
must have an infinite number of legs. End of proof.
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An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician were holidaying in Scotland.
Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a
field.
"How interesting," observed the astronomer, "all Scottish sheep are black!"
To which the physicist responded, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!"
The mathematician gazed heavenward in supplication, and then intoned,
"In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep,
at least one side of which is black."
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