Showing posts with label A. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Absolutely Hilarious Joke
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her.
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."
Friday, March 9, 2007
Hilarious joke -- Never tease a woman!
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"
Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"
Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Riddle!
We lock our lips on top of it...
We hold it in the middle...
We fire the bottom of it...
What is it?
I knew you would mistake me... It's just a cigar! :)
We hold it in the middle...
We fire the bottom of it...
What is it?
I knew you would mistake me... It's just a cigar! :)
A Mailman's last day at work!
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the f inal house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Screw him - - - give him a dollar."
The blonde then blushed and said, "The breakfast was my idea"
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the f inal house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Screw him - - - give him a dollar."
The blonde then blushed and said, "The breakfast was my idea"
Monday, February 19, 2007
'A' joke
Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all
day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt
and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd
hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner
to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And
you're single. Just let it go……….."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to
reality, Whispering:......
Dave.............
...............you're a veterinary doctor".
day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt
and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd
hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner
to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And
you're single. Just let it go……….."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to
reality, Whispering:......
Dave.............
...............you're a veterinary doctor".
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